Why is it important for couples to recover from an affair? The pain, heartbreak, and difficulty in rebuilding trust, respect, and sexual connection, might lead one to assume that it would be easier for the individuals involved to simply leave the relationship behind and embark on their own separate journeys.
Affairs should NOT mean the end of a relationship. On the same token, it doesn’t mean that one can “get away with cheating” in their monogamous relationship.
The key to affair recovery and long term monogamy is getting people skilled up in how to communicate effectively, so they can have the deeper level conversations which will move them towards truth and honesty.
The infidelity recovery institute (IRI) developed the 7-Step Infidelity Recovery Program for the following reasons:
To save the fabric of society.
With the divorce rates at an extremely high level, we as therapists need to take ownership of our ability to help couples stay together, and save relationships after betrayal. As a married couple, you need to fight for your marriage (especially if you have children.) Today, it is too easy for couples to file for divorce. For those families who have children, we see the children following the parent’s footsteps into infidelity in their own relationships, and many face the same inability to maintain a stable relationship. Our society is greatly effected by the breakdown in community, as people from divorced families start separate lives away from their family of origin (away from the drama/pain/conflict/awkwardness). Loneliness and isolation follows as these people don’t believe the institution of marriage. The message from their own past, “Nothing lasts. Each to his own.” Affairs account for the Top 3 Reasons for Divorce, so the numbers of families breaking down is significant.
- Provide a step-by-step method – traditional therapy may miss the key elements required to heal the couple in crisis. Also, research shows that couples in marriage counseling will not complete therapy or drop out early therefore not receiving the benefits of attending counseling. By having a structured step by step “coaching” program, both the couple and the counselor knows what is required to move forward – away from pain, and towards HOPE.
- To educate couples on how to have a loving relationship. The 7 step infidelity recovery program is designed to change the conditions in the relationship environment, so by the end of the program, the couple is equipped with a new relationship skill set.
IRI Key Concepts Include:
7-Steps of Affair Recovery
The IRIs method for affair recovery is a fusion of therapy, coaching, & consulting.
The 7 Types of Affairs
While no two affairs share the same story, the message behind the affair can be categorized into one of these seven affair types. Even the message of an emotional affair will fit into a category.
- One Night Stand
- Avoidance Affairs
- Conflict avoidance
- Sexual avoidance
- Entitlement Affairs
- Exit Affairs
- Split Self Affairs
- Sexual Addiction Affairs
The Monogamy Pyramid
IRI can explain the theory behind monogamy with The Monogamy Pyramid.