When two people are having an affair together they do everything in their power to keep it a secret. But there are still small things that they over look because they are so small but to others it is quite noticeable.
- When you are in your own home everyday you notice if something is out of place even if others don’t. Also, when you have lived with your partner you get to know their habits, likes and dislikes.
- The two most noticeable places are in your partner’s car and in your house, especially in your bedroom. Have a look around when you leave home or in your partner’s car just to check how things are when you left. Take a mental picture.
- Are there any hairs that don’t belong to you or your partner left on your side of the bed or on the passengers head rest in your partners car? Take a quick look before you get into bed each night. They could even be on the shower floor or around the vanity.
- Remember what color sheets were on the bed and what towels were on the towel rail in the morning. If they are having sex in your bed they will be washing the sheets to get rid of any incriminating evidence. After the sex they will more than likely take a shower to get rid of any smell that might give them away.
- When you take a shower, always leave your body wash and razor in the same place. If the body wash has moved then it can’t have been your partner that used it, because the smell obviously won’t match their gender.
- When you get home from work, check the bathroom. If there is any condensation or water drops in the bathroom in the afternoon it definitely wasn’t from your morning shower.
- Check under your bed or down the side of the seat in your partner’s car, there may be an earring or necklace that your partner’s lover took off to get comfortable but in their rush to leave forgot about it. Earrings very easily fall off as well. (The lover may even leave something like that on purpose, as they may get annoyed with having to share their lover with someone else so they might want to get caught so you leave and they can be together.)
- Has your partner always been a mess when it comes to their car and their side of the bedroom? If they all of a sudden make a real effort to keep the car clean and shiny and start bugging you to keep your side of the room tidy you should be suspicious.
- Are there cigarette butts or lighters left in your partner’s car, but they don’t even smoke? In that case you should ask who has been smoking in the car.
- Notice if every time you get in your partner’s car if you have to adjust the seat. If you do, take note if it is always pulled to the same spot. Your partner might take the same person in the car regularly. Also the mirrors might be adjusted to suit the lover rather than you. Someone won’t change the mirrors unless they are in the car all the time.
- Check the glove box, and pretend you are looking for something else like sun screen or that you thought you left something in there last time. Your partner’s lover may think it is safe to leave a few things in there, thinking that you probably won’t look in there.
- Does the car or bedroom smell of other women’s/men’s perfume? Smell the pillows as well if their heads are resting on it, as it will leave a hint of their perfume.
- When you turn the radio on in the car see what station it is on. It may be music that your partner is completely not into, so why would they have it on in the car? They would only listen to it if someone they liked wanted to listen to it and they thought they were being nice by letting them.
- Check the CD collection both in the car and house. There maybe new CD’s that your partner didn’t mention buying or even liking. It would be a little strange for someone to buy a CD that they didn’t really pay much attention to. Check the condition of the disc and cover. They can’t claim they just bought it if it has scratches all over it.
- There will probably be a stash of gum and mints in your partner’s car and pockets. This may not be unusual, but you should check anyway. They will always want minty fresh breath, especially if they are with someone new. They don’t want to get turned away because of bad breath.
The Cheaters Paper Trail
If your partner is maintaining an affair, there are a few things of which you can be sure. It involves time, as I have discussed in previous chapters, and it also includes money. The best thing about the way most people live their lives nowadays is that there is a clear trail of paper that documents the spending habits, and therefore movements in peoples’ lifestyles.
The case is no different with people having affairs. No matter what you do, it is guaranteed that in the majority of cases money is spent and can be traced back if you are prepared to look hard enough.
So the question is; how hard are you prepared to look?
The first and most obvious place to start looking would be for receipts. These are usually floating around in jacket and trouser pockets, ash trays, under seats in cars, glove compartments, as well as a number of other places. Most shop receipts, whether its for petrol, flowers, motel room bookings, lunches or gifts, provide itemized receipts detailing what was purchased, how much, and when.
If you are prepared to discretely go through pockets and garbage to get receipts, you should quickly be able to build a profile of where your partner has been and what he or she has been spending money on.
I would recommend you get a diary or a book and record the details of all the receipts so that you are able to account for your partner’s whereabouts and see if it matches up with what they tell you. If the story doesn’t match up with the receipt it doesn’t always add up to an affair, so don’t be too quick to accuse your partner of infidelity. But over time you will start to notice a pattern forming.
Like receipts, every time you use your bank card it is documented on a statement and sent monthly. If you have joint bank accounts it will be very easy to trace where money has been spent, however many couples have separate bank accounts as well. Make sure you are aware of all of the bank accounts that your partner has, so that you may be able to find statements for all accounts.
If you are unable to find any statements, you are able to contact the bank and request a statement be sent. Chances are if you know what day it is arriving, you will be able to intercept it out of the mailbox before your partner gets to see it. Some banks ask for some security details before they will do this, but this is usually information such as the last 4 digits of their social security number or their mother’s maiden name. You should know what these are already.
Alternately, you may be able to view bank statements over the internet provided you have the account number.
Given the popularity of credit cards, it can be very easy to track the spending habits of a cheating partner by reviewing credit card statements. They will tell you what was purchased, where, and when. If you have access to these statements, the information is very easy to follow. Again, you may have to check the trash on a regular basis to make sure you don’t miss the statement.
There is always the possibility that your partner will have other credit cards that you may not be aware of. While it is slightly more difficult, you can find evidence of these if you request a credit report from a credit reporting agency. TransUnion is an example of one that provides listings.
Either way, a good hunt around the house while your partner is away is a good time to find credit card statements and bills.
With rapid advances in the way people communicate with each other, email is yet another tool in the cheating arsenal. Email is usually accessed through an internet browser like Microsoft Explorer. In many cases you are able to access email without having to type passwords. From there you will be able to browse through email folders to find messages that may spark your interest. If you find the email program is password protected, you may find you can go no further unless you have spy software installed.
However, many people don’t go to so much trouble when using email. Another handy place to check is the trash folder, where any deleted emails are stored. Deleted emails are usually stored in here for up to 24 hours before the trash folder is emptied. Another handy place to look is in the recycle bin. Stored images and files that are deleted get stored in here and don’t get emptied unless you do it manually. In many cases this is overlooked, and it can be a valuable source of information if it hasn’t been emptied for a long time.
Once you find a message or image that interests you, it is a simple procedure to select the print option, either by clicking a “Print” icon or selecting “Print” from the file menu.
These are yet another way of creatively tracking your partner’s communication, as many cell phone companies provide detailed summaries of your calls and account activity every month. It is a form of communication that will really appeal to your partner, as they will be able to have private and instant communication 24 hours a day. Never before has it been easier to contact people at any time of day.
Most account summaries detail every call, the number called, when it was called, and how long the conversation lasted. This is extremely useful for identifying patterns and frequently called numbers.
You are also able to contact your phone company and request a retrospective billing report for prior months or even a year. This can be done either for free or for a minimal charge. Like credit card statements and bank statements, you may be asked for security information, so be prepared for that.
From any or all of these items you should be able to build a detailed profile of your partner’s personal life, and you should be able to accurately gauge whether your partner is up to no good.
Tricks used to Cover the Paper Trail
If your partner is cleverer than average, they will make some effort to avoid detection. You need to know the methods they will use and how to overcome them if you are to successfully expose them.
In order to avoid the possibility of you discovering those secret dinners and bunches of flowers, your partner may try to draw out sums of cash to avoid being traced. While this does make it hard for you, you can identify large sums of cash being drawn out if you read your bank statements carefully. Being that a marriage is a partnership, you should question any sums of money being withdrawn, especially if it becomes a regular thing.
New Credit Cards
As I have mentioned previously, your partner may apply for different credit cards without your knowledge. If you have the opportunity, perhaps when your partner is showering, have a quick look through their wallet, taking notice of any strange cards. Take down their card numbers and make sure the wallet is placed exactly as it was.
Virtual Credit Cards
Virtual credit cards are relatively new technology, and the benefit in having one is that you can load money onto it, and then process transactions without them being traced to your credit card account. This is useful for people who are purchasing things online and don’t want it traced back to their account, or don’t want the transactions showing up on their credit card statement. The downfall with these cards is that they still have to have money loaded onto them. This download of money will show up on your statement, either identified on the statement as a download to a credit card company or disguised under a fake name. Either way, you should question all items that show up on your statement that involve large amounts of money.
Throwing Away Receipts
Even if your partner uses cash to pay for their purchases, receipts are easy ways of tracking where your partner has been spending their money and when. Smart partners would hide and throw away their receipts, so you need to be aware of this and take pre-emptive measures. A way to do this with minimum fuss is to empty the garbage regularly and screen it when you do so. Going through small amounts of garbage at a time is much easier than sorting through many days worth at a time. Tip the garbage slowly into a garbage can, letting it all separate so that you can spot small pieces of paper that may be receipts.
Create New Email Accounts
It is entirely possible that your cheating partner will have set up a new email account solely for the purpose of emailing their lover. You should be aware of the possibility and check your computer to see if that is a possibility. An easy way to check would be to check through your ISP account statements, which detail what sites you have been visiting within that particular billing period. If they have set up an extra hotmail account, an easy way to check this is to click the down arrow when typing in your hotmail address. This will enable you to see what other hotmail accounts have been opened on your computer.
Switch Their Call Plan to Prepay
If your partner decides to switch their calling plan on their cellular phone to a prepay plan, there will be no documentation of phone calls, duration and numbers in a statement. The easiest way to get around this is to make sure your partner is on a call plan, and explain that this is the cheapest and easiest option for you both to use. In doing this and insisting you both use a call plan rather than a prepay, you will always have access to regular statements.