Cheating and lying go hand in hand.
Lying involves willfully generating information that is counter to the actual truth in an attempt to deceive another person
Why can’t a cheating spouse tell you the truth?
- It’s an Exit Affair –. Some cheaters are too concerned/stressed/guilty to end a committed relationship or ask for a divorce – for a variety of reasons. So they have an affair in order to force the issue and bring things to a close. You may never get the truth as they have years of emotions and resentment to work through, before they can admit – that they have been unhappy for along time (and perhaps never wanted to get married in the first place.)
- Embarrassment – the cheater may be too embarrassed at having been discovered to talk about the affair.
- Guilt – the cheater may be so consumed with guilt that he can’t bring himself to discuss the affair.
- Fear of Your Reaction – the cheater may be afraid that you will rant and rave, throw things, or become violent. He may be afraid that if he admits to having the affair you will leave or put him out.
- Concern for Your Feelings – the cheater may be filled with remorse for having hurt you, and afraid that revealing additional facts about the affair will cause you more pain.
- Inability to Express Himself – the cheater may not know how to verbalize his behavior, how to put his thoughts into words, or how to tactfully describe what he has done. He may not even know why he had the affair.
- Fear You Won’t Forgive Him – the cheater may feel that his behavior was so despicable that you’ll never be able to forgive him for what he did. He may feel that discussing the matter is a lost cause.
- Fear that You’ll Use What He Says Against Him – the cheater may be afraid that you’ll use what he says against in a court of law, bring it up in every other conversation from now on, or use it to manipulate him in some way.
- Assuming Talking Won’t Help – the cheater may feel that he’s already a condemned man — that you’ve already made up your mind to leave him, and that there’s nothing he can say to make you change your mind.
What is a lie?
People who tell white lies don’t usually think of themselves as true “liars”. They justify their white lies as harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. They will sometimes tell only part of the truth, and not be suspected of lying at all. White liars may use their lies to to shield someone from what they believe is a hurtful or damaging truth.
Occasional liars are those who seldom tell a lie. When they do, they are so blown away by what they said their guilt overcomes them. These individuals are quick to ask for forgiveness. Occasional liars might not be perfect, but they are often respected for their attempts at being truthful and humble enough to admit when they are wrong.
- To make a statement that one knows to be false, especially with the intention to deceive and manipulate for personal gain.
- To intentionally give a false impression.
- Any circumstance is meant to give a false impression that may be favorable to one’s personal gain or personal agenda.
- Self-deceptive people can appear to believe they are telling the truth, however without clarity beyond egocentric behavior, they are unable to tell the truth consistently and are untrustworthy.
The need to assert Control over others leads to Manipulation. The Manipulation of others leads to varying degrees of Deception and Lying.
Control + Manipulation = Deception/Lying.
FYI - It’s All in Your Brain
White matter in the prefrontal cortex (the front part of your brain) is responsible for masterminding a lie, which includes weighing how the other party will respond and suppressing your own emotions to limit or eliminate the appearance of nervousness.
Gray matter is the substance that curbs the impulse to lie to make things easier and holds people to their principles.
In the USC study, compulsive liars showed a higher percentage of white matter and a deficit of gray matter.
Read more about lying
- signs of lying
- lie detection
- Compulsive lying
- How to detect a lie
- Manipulation or gaslighting
- pathological lying disorder
Read more about the body language of lying