It is a custom to decorate the couple’s bed with roses and flowers on their wedding night. The aura and beauty of the decoration might make the couple assume that their marital bed would always be filled with roses. Unfortunately, those roses don’t exceed the honeymoon period. No couple wish to encounter misunderstandings and betrayals in their marriages. Unfortunately, these moments are inevitable and could act as strengtheners of the relationships.
Have you ever been betrayed by your partner? 99% of my readers must have said “yes” because they’ve experienced disappointment in one way or the other. Betrayal actually leads to loss of trust. Meanwhile, for the growth and maintenance of every relationship, trust is a vital ingredient needed. If the trust is altered or broken, should it always affect the relationship? The amount of value you place on your relationship would influence how you handle it especially when faced with mistrust issues.
A broken trust can be restored. What matters is; do you want it restored or do you enjoy living with a spouse you can’t vouch for? I wouldn’t neglect the fact that there are some partners you can never trust because of their ever changing lifestyles. But for such persons, if only you could look deep inside of their hearts, you would see their true self who wishes to be trusted. In today’s blog, we shall be discussing simple ways of restoring the trust for your spouse especially, when you feel they aren’t worth it anymore.
Communication is vital:
What causes mistrust in marriage? Infidelity, conflict, lies, etc. In order to resolve these issues, it is important for the parties involved to sit down and discuss all aspects that led to it. In the case of infidelity, the cheated partner can only restore the trust after all questions have been answered. Everyone will evaluate what he / she wants to reveal, but it is true that to spit out the complete fact might not be necessary.
“Who is this person you slept with? Where did you meet him? How did it happen?” In the quest for answers, the deceived person must be careful, especially when addressing the details of a sexual nature. Too many details can indeed hurt and apart from the too sexual details, we often see that the deceived person needs this type of conversation, not for self-flogging but to appropriate the missing elements.
I don’t advocate for total spilling out of the infidelity details. Some details are better kept in the secret garden than said. This idea may be unbearable for the person who has been deceived, but it must be remembered that this secret garden at his spouse existed even in the absence of any infidelity. Communication and clarification give room for apologies, reconciliation and if dialogue is impossible, then a couple therapist should be invited.
Remember the good days:
While trying to restore the trust you once had for a loved one, you should focus less on the betrayal and more on their good deeds and behaviors in the past. I guess before you trusted your spouse, he must have proven to be trustworthy. So don’t judge him for so long because of a mistake. They say “Love covers all sin” so let your love overcome the pain of the betrayal and rebuild your trust.
Say No to Fear and Anger, Just Let it go:
Forgiving infidelity isn’t a sign of weakness but an immense proof of love. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means letting go, and finding inner peace! Fear and anger can prevent you from forgiving and rebuilding trust. Let’s take things pragmatically: you cannot go back to yesterday and change what happened. It is therefore important not to live in regret of the past rather, embrace the current situation.
Fear tells you that your trust might be shattered again if given out while anger makes you act bitterly. Learn to manage your emotions. To succeed in overcoming your bitterness, your anger or even your trauma; you must force yourself to go from the need to be loved to the urge to give your love. You should consider it a duty. Also, trusting your partners help to save you from unnecessary panic so you should see it as what you owe them.
Soon after the discovery of an extramarital relationship, sexual intimacy is the last thing we want, both for the cheat and the cheated. To speak about it openly is essential in the process of reconstruction but it is an extremely delicate ground. Moreover, some couples do not succeed and need professional help to try to reactivate the desire.
Very often, sexual intimacy closely follows the return of emotional intimacy, which is directly related to the feeling of security, so the return of sexuality goes hand in hand with the restoration of trust.
If you are the one who cheated, in order to gain your partner’s trust, you must truly be repentant. That means no more lies, secrets nor infidelity. When forgiven you must set goals on rebuilding your love life with your spouse. Recognize that regaining your partner’s trust wouldn’t happen in a jiffy. It takes time so be patient until you regain their trust. Meanwhile, it would be unfair if you broke the trust again after it’s been restored.