As you know, affairs are about lies & secrecy. From the emotional affair to the sex addict, you will find an individual who, for some reason, decided to hide their true feelings and desires from their spouse, and allow another to meet their emotional needs.
The cheating spouse often will not remember all the crazy things they have done during the affair period. As many affairs are born and breed in fantasy, it will be near impossible for the cheater to recall a specific conversation. However, if you were to find one of these “fantasy conversations” down the track, you may demand to know specific details – unless you have a game plan now.
Crises come in many forms. Bob took comfort in his belief that his wife genuinely cared about the business they were building together, even if she had indulged in a temporary sexual infatuation with another man. When he discovered an e-mail message she had written to her lover that belittled his business acumen, he was crushed.
Sometimes what comes to light is more than revealing messages written under the influence of sexual passion. Sometimes betrayed partners discover elaborate premeditated and hurtful deceptions.
The unfaithful partner needs to validate the facts and empathize with the pain of these new revelations.
Couples who handle these crises together are more likely to stay together.
Two months after she found out that her husband, Ken, had been taking his assistant with him to out- of-town conventions, Kris was feeling pretty good about the progress they were making in repairing the damage to their marriage. Then one day, for no particular reason, she began thinking about a conference he had supposedly attended six months earlier. She remembered it because he had missed their older son’s birthday in order to attend. After doing some careful checking, she put two and two together and discovered that the conference flyer he had shown her had been a fake. He had really spent the weekend at a resort with his lover. It took several weeks for them to resolve the pain created by the revelation of his incredible trickery. However, his remorse went a long way toward helping their recovery.