Why is it important for couples to recover from an affair? The pain, heartbreak, and difficulty in rebuilding trust, respect, and sexual connection, might lead one to assume that it would be easier for the individuals involved to simply leave the relationship behind and embark on their own separate journeys.
Affairs should NOT mean the end of a relationship. On the same token, it doesn’t mean that one can “get away with cheating” in their monogamous relationship.
The key to affair recovery and long term monogamy is getting people skilled up in how to communicate effectively, so they can have the deeper level conversations which will move them towards truth and honesty.
The infidelity recovery institute (IRI) developed the 7-Step Infidelity Recovery Program for the following reasons:
- To save the fabric of society – With divorce rates at an extremely high level, therapists need to take ownership of our ability to help couples stay together and save relationships after betrayal. As a married couple, you need to fight for your marriage (especially if you have children.) Today, it is too easy for couples to file for divorce. For those families who have children, we see the children following the parent’s footsteps into infidelity in their own relationships, and many face the same inability to maintain a stable relationship. Our society is greatly effected by the breakdown in community as people from divorced families are challenged with their ideas on relationship. Loneliness and isolation follows as these people don’t believe the institution of marriage. The message from their own past, “Nothing lasts. Each to his own.” Affairs account for the Top 3 Reasons for Divorce, so the numbers of families breaking down is significant.
- Provide a step-by-step method – traditional therapy may miss the key elements required to heal the couple in crisis. Also, research shows that couples in marriage counseling will not complete therapy or drop out early therefore not receiving the benefits of attending counseling. By having a structured step by step “coaching” program, both the couple and the counselor knows what is required to move forward – away from pain, and towards HOPE.
- To educate couples on how to have a loving relationship. The 7 step infidelity recovery program is designed to change the conditions in the relationship environment, so by the end of the program, the couple is equipped with a new relationship skill set.
IRI Concepts Include:
7-Steps of Affair Recovery
The IRIs method for affair recovery is a fusion of therapy, coaching, & consulting.
The 7 Types of Affairs
While no two affairs share the same story, the message behind the affair can be categorized into one of these seven affair types. Even the message of an emotional affair will fit into a category.
- One Night Stand
- Avoidance Affairs
- Conflict avoidance
- Sexual avoidance
- Philanderer
- Entitlement Affairs
- Exit Affairs
- Split Self Affairs
- Sexual Addiction Affairs
The Monogamy Pyramid
IRI can explain the theory behind monogamy with The Monogamy Pyramid.
dear hasani my name is jessica cassidy me and my husband have been together for 15 years but married for almost 5 he cheated on me before we got married but didn’t tell me about it till years later and i forgave him but as i was listening to your videos you call that fake forgivness but no matter how hard i tried i didn’t know how to emotionally forgive him. we moved into his mothers house to save money to buy a house. i am also dealing with chronic leg pain that i have been dealing with for 5 years and just now am getting help. we have been through alot in our marriage my husband is an alchoholic and it has been rough but i am in it for the long haul but now he works so much i dont see him much and i was feeling very alone and depressed and cheated on him with an ex boyfriend that i left for my husband. i just told him last night and he doesnt know where he wants to go from here but i want to make things work And I will do what it takes but he hasn’t made his mind up yet