The Internet

Key Points

• Online infidelity can be just as damaging to a relationship as offline physical unfaithfulness. A possible explanation is that our brain registers virtual and physical acts the same way and responds similarly.
• Several studies have concluded that online infidelity, whether sexual or emotional in nature, often leads to off-line infidelity.

Almost all instances of cheating today can include an element of digital cheating. So we added this page to discuss Digital cheating. Some people have said that Cyber Cheating should be an affair type, but like financial infidelity or emotional affairs, cyber cheating is the action, and recovering from the action requires a deep investigation into the psychology behind the unfaithful partner.

Behind each of our 7-Affair types is a profile of an individual and each profile has a specific treatment program to help both the individual and the couple move forward after relationship betrayal.

It is not cheating if I have never met the other person!

Have you ever said that in your relationship after you have been caught messaging someone online? Maybe that’s what your partner is telling you right now to cover for sending messages to a random person – most probably somebody from the opposite sex. Naturally in same-sex relationships, this situation occurs with the same outcome –  pain, jealousy, anger, rejection, uncertainty…..

The dictionary defines infidelity as: “… a violation of a couple’s emotional and/or sexual exclusivity.”

Under this definition, it is very difficult for an unfaithful individual to justify being unfaithful. Infidelity is a SECRET connection with another individual. The reason why the connection is secret is that their partner would not approve of the connection and would see the connection as a breach of their relationship boundaries.

So yes it is cheating even if the connection with the other person is online.

What is the definition of a cyber relationship?

A cyber affair is defined as “a romantic or sexual relationship initiated by online contact and maintained primarily via online communication”.

Sexual acts online include behaviors such as cybersex, where two or more individuals engage in discussions about sexual fantasies over the Internet and is usually accompanied by masturbation; hotchatting, where discussions between two or more people move away from light-hearted flirting; and emotional acts where people disclose intimate information to a significant other.

A 2005 survey of 1828 participants reported one third of them reported engaging in cybersex and of that one third, 46% said they were in a committed relationship with someone else.

In a study of 335 Dutch undergraduate students involved in serious intimate relationships, participants were presented with four dilemmas concerning a partner’s emotional and sexual infidelity over the Internet. They found a significant sex difference as to whether participants chose sexual and emotional infidelity as more upsetting. More men than women indicated that a partner’s sexual involvement would upset them more than a partner’s emotional bonding with someone else. Similarly, in the dilemma involving infidelity over the Internet, more men indicated their partner’s sexual involvement would upset them more than a partner’s emotional bonding with someone else. Women, on the other hand, expressed more problems with emotional infidelity over the Internet than did men.

Why do people cheat so frequently in chat rooms?

1. Anonymous sexual interaction:
   • the individuals’ predilection for anonymous interactions of a sexual nature in chat rooms.
   • The allure of anonymity gains extra importance for married individuals, who can enjoy relative safety to express fantasies and desires without being known or exposed.
2. Behavioral rationalization:
   • the reasoning that chat room users present for conceiving their online behaviours as innocent and harmless, despite the secrecy and highly sexual nature.
3. Effortless avoidance:
   • chat room users’ lack of psychological discomfort in exchanging sexual messages with strangers.

Advice

If you are in a monogamous relationship and you engage in conversation or behaviours which you could not share with your partner, then consider it cheating. The only advice is to stay away from social media and chat room interactions.

If you find more comfort in chatting with strangers than with your partner, there needs to be work done on relationship communication. If you’re not in a relationship where you can feel comfortable expressing yourself, and you’re not willing to work on the communication within that relationship, then it’s better to remove yourself from that relationship.