Work Place Emotional Affairs – “Workplace Husband/Wife”
- A work spouse is a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship. In many ways, these relationships can mirror a real marriage.
- “They are platonic, close, opposite-sex couplings, with no romantic strings attached”
- A recent workplace survey found that 32% of workers say they have an ‘office husband’ or ‘office wife.’
Work spouse relationships subtly evolve into emotional affairs by meeting basic human needs. “It starts out with affection, which basically means you care about the person and want to see him or her succeed and you’ll be there when they need you. Next is a conversation, that turns personal. Admiration is another emotional need, where you tell the person they’re great at what they do. Once someone does enough of this for you, you start looking forward to being with him the next day, can’t stop thinking of him — one thing leads to another, and next thing you know you’re having sex,” said Willard F. Harley Jr., clinical psychologist,author of “His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage.”
“If you work with someone daily, watching each other’s backs, helping each other with the problems of life, I wouldn’t say a romantic relationship is inevitable, but it sure is highly probable. Many people never expect it to happen, and it ruins their lives.”
Dr Phil gives these tips to set clear boundaries:
- A healthy work spouse situation is between people who would never let their friendship venture in to an inappropriate space, and understand that fine line.
- Don’t share personal information about yourself at work, especially private details of your marriage. If someone does share personal information with you, tell your spouse so you don’t create a secret world your spouse is not aware of.
- Be upfront and honest about the closeness and bond of your real-life relationship.
- Don’t be alone with a person of the opposite sex separate from your job. Romantic relationships come out of recreational activities and intimate conversations.
- Don’t drink with your work spouse. When you drink, boundaries get blurred.
- Introduce your real spouse to your office spouse, so it isn’t exclusive.
- Avoid constantly talking about your office spouse at home. Don’t overdo it.
- Aim to keep the mood light and happy with your work spouse so that drama from home doesn’t bleed in to what should be a professional relationship.
- Keep the lines of communication open between other co-workers and your real-life spouse so that your work spouse relationship is not interpreted as a clique, or exclusive.
Dr. Judith Orloff is a Psychiatrist from Santa Monica, USA, and discusses the effects of emotional affairs at work place in this video.
Learn more about Work Place Spouses on Wikipedia