Just how is it that people can tell when their partner is lying to them?
There are many ways to catch a liar but those who have lied most of their lives become pros and it is harder to read the signs of lying.
Signs of lying
When someone is lying they have no control over their subconscious actions. They may try to fool you and their bodies but their actions will always break through one way or another. They won’t make much sense because they will be trying so hard to control their actions they won’t be concentrating on what it is they are saying.
The first tell-tale sign is the content of their lie. To completely cover their tracks a liar will make up a lie and go over and over it in their head till they think they have everything covered. Every little detail will be covered so you don’t need to ask any questions afterwards. When telling the truth you cover the basics of what you need to say then go back and fill in details if you think they are important or you were asked. Also liars will talk quickly to get it all out before they are interrupted or before they forget what they had rehearsed.
They may add a little humor like a joke or funny story to lighten the mood of what they are saying hoping that their partner will forget about anything that doesn’t quite add up.
When asked a question a liar will always hesitate, because if they aren’t telling the truth they need to stop and think to make up their answer. They also need to think if what they are going to say is going to fit in with everything they have just said and said in the past. If someone answers with the truth there is no hesitation because it actually happened so they can recall it straight away.
Selective hearing is a common trait in a liar. If you ask them a question they will automatically say ‘Pardon,’ even though it is obvious they heard you clearly. This gives them time to think back over what they have all ready said and time to come up with an answer.
A question can also throw them a little because they had everything so cleverly planned out that they didn’t expect for you to have any questions.
Five minutes after they gave you a detailed speech on what they got up to they may not be able to remember something. This is because they will be going over what they just said to you to make sure they remembered it all correctly, also hoping that you are going to believe them. Asking them a question five minutes later will worry them that they are going to get caught. They may get all flustered and may even make up another lie to cover.
The body language of a liar
- When someone is lying, all the blood rushes to their face, neck and ears burning red. Just like when someone is nervous their heart pumps faster and the adrenaline pumping through their body causes their blood vessels to come to the surface. When some is lying they feel nervous they are going to make a mistake or get caught.
- Next there is the blinking, and the rate of blinking is faster. The more often the eyes are shut the more it feels to them like their eyes are closed. They have the feeling that if they close their eyes they will be able to wake up and the problem will be gone.
- Crossing arms is a sign the liar is trying to be defensive. If they are telling the truth then they shouldn’t have anything to be defensive about.
- There hands have to be constantly moving and touching and pulling things. If they are rubbing their eyes, pretending there is something in them then they are covering them with out making it to obvious. Now they don’t have to look at you to tell you their lie. (Take into account, some cultures are expressive with their hands when they talk.)
- Talking while they have got there mouth covered or fingers in their mouth kind of obstructs what they are saying. Subconsciously they feel like you can’t really hear the lie or they are blocking it altogether from coming out. This way they don’t feel quite as guilty for lying. They will play with their hair, clothing, anything in arms reach, like pretending to flick though a book when they wouldn’t even know what it is about. It is a nervous reaction which tries to make you appear calm. It also makes a distraction from the lie so you can both concentrate more on the action rather than what is being said.
- If they move their legs away from you and point them in the direction away from you then they are lying!!!
- If a person feels comfortable with you then they face towards you with their legs pointing in your direction. This shows that they are willing to let you in to know everything. If someone is lying they obviously feel uncomfortable.
- Tapping feet is also a nervous trait, and it takes the attention away from the lie and towards the foot. The person starts concentrating on the tapping and sub-consciously starts counting the taps and waiting for the next one. A repetitive tapping sound muffles the talker because of the noise, and makes them feel like their lie is not being heard.
VIDEO: How to read gestures & body language
15 minute video by Derek Banas