In any committed relationship, there is an explicit or implicit commitment regarding intimacy. The nature of each couple’s commitment is unique; however, it typically includes both sexual and emotional loyalty to one’s partner, and regulates interactions both within and outside of the relationship.
Infidelity is any form of betrayal to the implied or stated contract between partners regarding intimate exclusivity. With infidelity, emotional and/or sexual intimacy is diverted away from the committed relationship without the other partner’s consent.
A violation of the commitment impacts the relationship on many levels and often results in a loss of trust, confusion, and immense pain.
So, can sex and intimacy be repaired after betrayal?
Sex & Friendship in a relationship are as necessary as Air & Water. Without these two elements, the relationship is a ticking time bomb.
Not all relationships will be ready for sex, but they need to introduce intimacy immediately. Not everyone will be ready to do so, and for reasons not relating to the infidelity.
Sex after infidelity effects every couple in a unique way. Some people will re-engage in their sex life with passion, releasing their need for sex with each other versus a third person. Other couples struggle with a wide range of emotions, from depression to anger.
Then there is the couple who stopped having sex along time before the infidelity began.
In the IRI affair recovery program, we focus on tackling the affair story first, before we circle back around to systemic relationship issues such sex and intimacy.
It is the role of the Infidelity Recovery Therapist to help the couple re-engage in their sex life by providing education and appropriate couple exercises. Most couples need education and training to learn what is “healthy and normal” in the bedroom.
The couple may be in pain, but that will not prevent unmet needs from being satisfied. If unmet sexual needs are left unsatisfied, it could mean continued infidelity.
In the IRI 7 Step Course, Sex & Intimacy has its own Affair Recovery Step, because Sex & Intimacy is a major component of what keeps a relationship alive & monogamous.
Relationships that do not have a healthy sex life WILL BE IN RISK OF FUTURE INFIDELITY. Especially for men, sex is normally in the top 3 emotional needs.
Common Sexual Rebooting Exercises in Step 4:
In the 7 Step Infidelity Recovery Program, the Certified Infidelity Recovery Specialist and the couple will work through some of the following tasks – taking into considering the affair type:
- The Intimacy Pyramid
- Intimacy Monologues
- Intimacy Interview
- Sexual Touch
- Non-Sexual Touch
- Foreplay Mapping
- Dating
- Bedroom Environment
- Re-establishing a sex life
How can I ask my partner about his/her sexual desires?
It is an amazing fact, that most people do not feel comfortable talking about their sexual desires with their spouse. Yet we know “sex” is everywhere in our daily lives. Many people form an opinion of their spouse, where they believe their spouse will not feel comfortable with dirty talk. Others feel their sexual thoughts and desires are “too dirty” to be expressed at all!
Here is where the secrets start. The need for sexual conversation exists, yet their is no perceive outlet. So the frustrated spouse leans into the exciting, unknown, and taboo area, of expressing their needs and desires to another person.
Imagine if a couple could share sexual thoughts with each other!