5 Keys to Recovering from Infidelity in Relationship

Being in a relationship where cheating has occurred is heartbreaking and mentally exhausting. This is true for either side of those who have experienced infidelity – those who cheat and those who have been cheated on.

By building trust and reconnecting as a married couple, you can move on after an affair, but it isn’t going to be easy. Recovering from infidelity takes hard work, time, and patience from both partners and above all, each spouse must be willing to be open with each other.

This is, of course, easier said than done. Each spouse must do their part. The betrayer must do his or her part to be honest, to end the affair, and to earn their spouse’s trust back. The betrayed must learn to forgive and reconnect, which are two things they most certainly won’t want to do after trust has been broken.

Here are 5 keys to recovering from infidelity in a relationship.

Key Steps for the Betrayed Spouse

 

1. Get the Information You Need

In order to start recovering from infidelity in a relationship, you will need to ask questions. A lot of them.

Think long and hard about the information you need to have in order to decide whether your relationship can be saved. You will want to know how long the affair has been going on, with whom, if money was spent on the affair, and who knows about it.

You should also know some of the intimate details such as if they were in ‘love’, what sexual acts occurred, and whether they used protection during intercourse (in order for you to get tested for STDs).  But, do you need to know salacious details? Such information may needlessly hurt you and make it difficult to move on from the event.

2. Seek Help

You must discover what went wrong in your relationship before you can move on. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to seek professional help through therapy or marital counseling.

A counselor is trained to help couples work through their issues. Your therapist can also help facilitate communication, work out a plan for building trust in the future, and identify weak spots in your marriage.

3. Communicate Regularly

In order to recover from infidelity in relationships, you must communicate with your spouse. Tell them your wants, needs, feelings, and desires. It may be painful at first, but you must find ways to reconnect as friends and lovers before you can truly move on from the affair, and this can’t be done without honest communication.

4. Limit Discussion of Infidelity

Finding out about an affair may become all-consuming. If you are trying to move on and rebuild your marriage and after you have asked the important questions about the infidelity, you should limit how much time or how often you talk about the affair. Otherwise, it may consume your relationship and build resentment while you are trying to rebuild trust.

5. Be Patient

Going through an affair is an emotional roller-coaster for both partners. There will be curve-balls, temptations, arguments, tears, and pain. Forgiving your spouse after they have betrayed your trust does not happen quickly. It may even take years to fully recover from the deceit. In the case of infidelity in relationships, patience is a virtue.

Key Steps for the Cheating Spouse

 

1. End the Affair

As the cheating spouse, it’s important that you end your affair immediately. This can be messy, especially if you have developed an emotional relationship during your infidelity.

In order to save your marriage, you must end the affair and then cease all contact with that person. End the affair, remove them from social media, blocking them if you must, and do not call, text, e-mail, or meet in person -not even for closure.

If you work together, consider asking your employer if anything can be done such as moving you to a different office or building. If not, keep your contact with this person strictly professional and go out of your way never to be alone with them.

2. Take Responsibility

One of the keys to recovering from infidelity in your relationship is taking responsibility for your role in the breakdown of your marriage. Perhaps you did not voice your needs to your partner soon enough or you drew back emotionally, leaving yourself vulnerable to an affair. Perhaps you pursued selfish desires for your own interest. Whatever your reason for being unfaithful, you need to let your partner know you own it.

3. Communicate Honestly

The emotional gravity of being deceived is often just as painful as the physical act of having a partner cheat. This makes it essential for you to be honest with your spouse about the goings-on in your life from this point forward.

A study of 1,083 husbands and wives betrayed by infidelity revealed when the unfaithful spouse was completely honest after the affair, couples were able to reconcile more completely. Not only your honesty will give your spouse peace of mind, it will also help rebuild trust in your relationship.

4. Follow-Through

When you say you’re going to be home at a certain time, be there. If you’re going to call your partner during your lunch break, don’t let anything get in the way of that call. If you want to earn your partner’s trust back, you need to prove that you can be held accountable.

5. Be Transparent

It is also important to keep things above-board with your spouse. If you are contacted by your former affair or bump into them, it’s best to let your partner know right away so that they don’t feel further deceived or ambushed if they find out about it elsewhere.

Many couples also find it beneficial to share passwords for electronic devices, emails, and social media accounts after an affair. This behavior reassures your partner that you have nothing to hide.

[box type=”info”] Always remember that if you cheated or have been cheated on, you can move on after an affair. Ending the affair entirely, taking responsibility for your role in the event, and giving yourself the proper time to grieve are all essential elements of recovering from infidelity.[/box]

 

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Author Bio:

Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

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Photo by Tanja Heffner