5 Things you must do to Build Trust after Infidelity

You’ve made a terrible mistake – you’ve cheated on your partner. Is there any way back?

All this happened so suddenly and so quickly that you did not really have to time to reflect back and think about it. You thought it’d be good to have a little extra fun; after all, your partner wouldn’t ever know about it. You thought you’d be able to cover it up naturally and everything will just remain as smooth as it ever was. And, perhaps, you thought you deserved it more than anyone else. But here you are, thinking: What was I doing really?

Will I ever be able to rebuild the trust of my partner? Will I ever be able to recover my sanity? Well, here are some good and bad news for you. Good news is that yes, you can rebuild the trust of your partner and make your relationship even better than before. Bad news is that it takes time and effort, and requires you to remain patient till the very end.

So, what should you do?

#1: First things first, admit that it happened and stop lying. You need to understand that the worst thing that could ever happen in the relationship has already happened, and concealing or hiding it won’t help. If you really want your marriage to work, you cannot continue to lie or twist the facts. You got to make sure that both you and your partner are on the same side of the page, and completely understand each other.

#2: Remain consistent, responsive and comforting. Make yourself an open book – be present when you say will be. Be prepared to answer all the questions of your partner and do not ever get vexed or annoyed. Find out what your partner desires, and do what you can to make the situation better.

#3: Stop being defensive or attempting to assign the blame to someone else. This is not the time to try to avert the danger by coming up with “reasonable excuses”. This is the time of remorse and self-assessment. Take full responsibility for all that happened. This not only means making sure that such an incident never takes place again but also taking a deep look at what brought you to cheat.

#4: Create some restraint on your activities. You’ve cheated your partner once; you cannot afford to do it again. You had the luxury to come and go at will, but you no longer have that, and it will take time to get it back. Make sure you stick to a fixed routine, but if in any case you can’t, inform your partner. Every time you leave your house, your partner will wonder if you’re really going where you say you are going. To ease such insecurities, offer your partner to come along with you or pay an occasional visit to your workplace. Let her know that you have nothing to hide from her, and this will only be achieved with time. You must not get irritated by these restraints but rather understand that they are for your own betterment.

#5: Keep your promises. Make sure that whenever you make a promise, you keep it. There is no exception to this rule – you must do whatever you promise to do. Your words and deeds must come from an unwavering and total integrity.

Finally, remember these three golden words: Affection, attention and appreciation. Tell yourself that your partner deserves these after such a devastating incident. Put yourself in her position and think what would help to alleviate her feeling of insecurity. By all means, show your spouse that how much love you carry for them.

In a nutshell, cheating or infidelity doesn’t have to lead to a divorce. Sure, it’s a heart-breaking event for your partner, but re-building the trust and sanity is possible. It would take time – a lot of it – but things will be even better than before!

 

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