5 Tips on How To Move On After A Break Up

The end of a relationship is something that almost all of us will go through at one point, whether as the dumper or the dumped, or on one end of a mutual decision. If, like me, you’ve been through the wringer more than a few times, the emotions and practicalities can be anticipated in advance, and although it’s never easy getting over someone, it helps to know the best ways of getting through the pain, anger and grief as quickly as possible so you can move on with your life. Or take revenge, whatever works.

Here comes a metaphor. When you’ve just broken up, you can feel adrift (a relationship ending is like a ship sinking, you see?), struggling to reach a safe harbour (getting back to normal) that remains stubbornly out of reach, under dark rumbling storm clouds (dark thoughts). You want desperately for someone to throw you a life-raft (hope) so you can get ashore and dry off (start a new life). Let me be the friendly old lighthouse keeper who shines his light over the sea to show you a safe path between the rocks (obstacles to your happiness). End of metaphor, beginning of advice.

Get a new hobby. Something to take your mind off your problems. Maybe not long-distance running or swimming, too much time to think. And learning a new musical instrument or how to paint are out, before you know it you’ll be writing a song a day about your ex, or papering your walls with their portrait, and just wallowing in the past. Choose something active, but which doesn’t allow your mind to wander, maybe squash. Oh, and get a dog. Dogs are great at helping you get through a rough period with their unconditional love. If you and your ex had a dog, make sure you get custody in the break-up.

Turn to your friends. Quite often, when someone meets and falls in love with someone else, they then decide they need to cut all other someone elses out of their life in order to fully devote themselves to the someone else they love. And so they stop spending time with their friends, except ones also in couples who like to double-date. Hopefully you didn’t do this, and if you didn’t, then now you can rely on them for support and advice. And one piece of solid-gold advice, never ask mutual friends to take your side in the break-up. Expect it, sure, resent it if they don’t, but don’t demand it.

Be sensitive with your social media. Seeing you out having a good time, or hooking up with someone else, will only serve to hurt your ex’s feelings. Consider de-friending them on Facebook to avoid the temptation of looking through their posts for evidence that they are more over the break-up than you are.

Take a holiday. Doesn’t matter where, just get out of town for a while. It will help you clear your head and plan your next move, and is especially good if your ex and you move in the same social circles. Keep some space between you until you’ve both had time to get your heads together. Look online for advice on the best singles destinations and just book your ticket and go!

And…breathe. Once you have some distance between you and your ex, whether physical or mental, spend some time reflecting on what went wrong, what you could have done better and what wasn’t your fault. An emotional audit will help get your feelings and priorities straight, and be vital groundwork for your next relationship.

Guest Blogger:

This article is contributed by Rob, a father of a little boy and lives with his long-term partner in Hove, East Sussex.