50 Real-Life Consequences of an Affair

Guest post by “Julia”

My husband, like many unfaithful spouses, claims that he didn’t really consider (well, chose not to consider) the real-life consequences of his infidelity.  While in la-la land, he convinced himself that his fantasy world would never collide with his real life and so it wasn’t even necessary to pontificate the possible fallout; you know – the ‘ole, “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” baloney.  He has told me that when reality seeped in and whispered in his ear the folly of his plan, he pushed it away and delved further into his affair.

It has been incredibly challenging for me to accept this explanation when the consequences seem so painfully obvious.  At the very least he must of considered that his behavior could result in the loss of his marriage?  Hell, he knew enough to keep it a secret so clearly, so there was some level of understanding that he simply ignored?  It’s really difficult for me to grasp this; all I can do is sigh and accept it as just another aspect of the crazy-making that is engaging in an affair.  How do you really make sense of the senseless?

If one takes the time to ponder the possible outcomes from cheating on a spouse and to hear the stories of other couples scraping their way back from this tragedy, they will find that the consequences are numerous, devastating, and life changing.  Unfaithful acts that can be carried out in minutes change lives forever, infecting every aspect of existence from simple, daily-living to far-reaching devestation.  I wish that unfaithful partners would allow the veil of deceit to part long enough to truly consider the fallout of their actions; perhaps some of them would stop and rise above their betrayals.

It is for the sake of the rare – and perhaps unlikely occurrence – in which a person considering or engaging in an affair might stumble across this post that I have furnished an – albeit incomplete – list of the consequences an unfaithful spouse doesn’t bother to, but should, consider.  These are not consequences I have simply “dreamed up.”  No, sadly, these are real outcomes in real marriages from real affairs that my marriage and/or others have actually experienced:

1. Marital strife.
2. Separation and divorce.
3. Dismantling of the family.
4. Destruction of the marriage connection.
5. Destruction of self-esteem.
6. Fear.
7. Intense pain and trauma.
8. Shame.
9. Separation or loss of children.
10. Children in fear of parent.
11. Emotional distress.
12. Triggers.
13. Loss of respect.
14. Loss of trust.
15. Loss of privacy.
16. Loss of home and other assets.
17. Loss of security.
18. Financial strain.
19. Loss of employment.
20. Loss of business.
21. Embarrassment.
22. Stress.
23. Condemnation by the community.
24. Necessity to move out of community.
25. Loss of friends.
26. Children losing friends.
27. Exclusion from family events.
28. Erectile disfunction.
29. Inability to be sexually intimate with spouse.
30. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
31. Depression.
32. Weight loss/gain.
33. Health problems.
34. Mental disorders.
35. STD’s.
36. STI’s.
37. Cervical cancer from HPV.
38. Unwanted pregnancy.
39. Permanent connection to the affair partner via a child.
40. Child abuse.
41. Domestic violence.
42. Harassment.
43. Assault.
44. Lawsuits.
45. Stalking.
46. Suicide.
47. Murder.
48. Implication in crimes commitment by affair partner simply through association.
49. False accusations of sexual assault.
50. False accusations of child abuse.

Now, ask yourself:

Is it really worth it?

(And don’t bother with the teenage mentality of, “It won’t happen to me.”  This far reaching devastation happens to more couples then you can imagine.)

Guest Post: by “Julia.”