The dictionary defines infidelity as: “… a violation of a couple’s emotional and/or sexual exclusivity.”
It’s quite the perfect definition of infidelity as it encapsulates both the emotional betrayal and/or the sexual betrayal that occurs because the individuals in the party have the assumption of monogamy in their relationship. Under this definition, it is very difficult for an unfaithful individual to justify being unfaithful. Infidelity is a SECRET connection with another individual. The reason why the connection is secret is that their partner would not approve of the connection and would see the connection as a breach of their relationship boundaries.
Monogamy is a key concept. For most people, there is a promise of exclusivity. Unless otherwise discussed, each person assumes the other has committed exclusively both emotionally and sexually to each other. From the idea of monogamy, the foundation of the relationship is set. Assets are purchased and a family could be started because there is an assumption of permanence. This is why a breach in monogamy is devastating for most relationships. For a family, infidelity can be disastrous with the ramifications lasting throughout the decades.
So why do people cheat?
Studies have found that men are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied sexually, while women are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied emotionally. In general, marital dissatisfaction overall is the number one reason often reported for infidelity for both sexes.
It is important to note that there are many other factors that increase the likelihood of anyone engaging in infidelity.
- Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are also more likely to engage in infidelity.
- Being well educated
- Living in an urban centre
- Being less religious
- Having a liberal ideology and values
- Having more opportunities to meet potential partners
- Being older
According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, there are numerous psychological reasons for adultery. Some people may want to supplement a marriage, solve a sex problem, gather more attention, seek revenge, or have more excitement in the marriage. But based on Fisher’s research, there also is a biological side to adultery. “We have two brain systems: one of them is linked to attachment and romantic love, and then there is the other brain system, which is purely sex drive.” Sometimes these two brain systems are not well-connected, which enables people to become adulterers and satisfy their libido without any regards to their attachment side.
Throughout this website we will explain why are people cheat and who is most vulnerable to infidelity. The monogamy triangle explains how your attachment style, values and beliefs, personality type, & more, determine your ability to remain exclusive.
You may be surprised that you could be an individual who struggles with monogamy. And you will learn more about your vulnerabilities so you can avoid specific circumstances and situations.