5 tips on how to confront a cheating spouse

Confronting a Cheating Spouse

When your partner cheats on you with another person, it is involves more a mere bruising of your emotions. It is even more traumatizing if your partner cheats on you over a sustained period of time. In fact, some people never recover from the infidelity of their partners.

It is possible that you will never stop asking what you did that made them cheat on you. Were they really that unhappy, or were they just born to cheat?

These are a few signs that can help save you from the unpleasant shock at the discovery of your partner’s unfaithfulness.

1. Tantrums and name-calling

If you suspect that your partner is being unfaithful, and you confront them in a civil manner; there are several reactions they could adopt. The guiltiest of these reactions, and the one which shows they could be having an affair, is when they fly into a rage and call you names.

If your partner really loves you and is wholehearted committed to making your relationship work, they would try to assuage your fear; they won’t call you insecure, paranoid, jealous, or even crazy. If your partner gets erratic at civil conversations on faithfulness, it is possible they are hiding a secret affair.

2. The no-discussion-friend

If your partner has a friend of the opposite sex who they are unwilling to talk about with you, there is the likelihood that they are engaged in an affair with this friend.

Or planning to, at least. If your partner gets agitated, uncomfortable and defensive every time you bring up this friend in casual conversations, then you have every suspicious to be suspicious.

3. Unnecessary little lies

If your partner consistently lies about where they are, it is possible that they are hiding something: a secret-engagement party, a drug-habit, or an affair.

If your partner constantly goes to the ends of the world to explain the casual question of “hey luv, where were you today”, this will be a good time to get your heart, and head, together before the existence of his/her new lover is thrust upon you.

4. Lost Interest in Sex

Previously there were things that the both of you loved doing. It was ‘our time’ for you both: strolls, reading together, cooking, making love etc.

If your partner is always not in the mood to do the very things you both loved to do, there is a high likelihood that they have found someone else who is keeping them physically and emotionally occupied.

5. Trust your gut instinct

If you keep getting the nagging sensation that your partner is cheating on you, chances are he/she is. It is possible that you’re just being insecure and possibly, crazy. But Nature gave you your instincts for a reason, so they may not be wrong after all.

You have trusted your instincts on a number of occasions; this situation may not be so different from the countless times your instincts were proven right. There is one thing to remember, however. If you’re suspicions are based on just your instincts, it will be wiser to hold on to your confrontations until you have substantial evidence to build your case.

Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing

By Dennis C. Ortman

Book Review:

This book is easy to use to find the information you need quickly. This book gives tools for healing in a format that is easily accessible. Ortman outlines the symptoms of post traumatic stress quickly, and explains them well. I would think that if someone wants the information in this book, then a lengthy read to find helpful information would be tedious.

This book is a long-overdue clarification of what can really happen in response to infidelity, to contrast the previous limited view that the partner of someone who was unfaithful is automatically codependent (implying that they had a sickness and control issues). Ortman, on the other hand provides compassionate insight into understanding the traits that make one more vulnerable to post-traumatic responses so that people feel empowered. His seemingly accurate approach applies the post traumatic stress model to infidelity responses with uncanny clarity. This is a very valuable compendium of information for quick insight and long-term healing.

This book by Ortman offers sensitive and well-aimed tools. It can also serve as a reference for someone experiencing post traumatic stress because of abusive relationships in general (traumatic work relationships, betrayals, abandonment, traumatically betrayed friendships, etc.).