Marriage and Relationships: Knowing When to Take a Walk

You have been together with your partner for a long time but suddenly you can’t figure out what you mean to him. You doubt his feelings, the signs are there, and deep inside your heart, you are aware that the love is gone. What would you do in such situation? Stay or take a walk? If you chose the latter, how would you know the perfect time to leave?

We shall see some scenarios where walking away might just be the best choice.

 1.  Married in court, separated in heart:

Some people live together but are far apart from each other. When they got married, they had common interest and everything they did was as a couple. But later on, the sex, contact, attention, communication, care, respect and love for each other gradually disappear.

In this case, the couple gradually move away from each other and each time they try to restore the dialogue, they seem to fail. Malice, bitterness and hatred become a norm in the home but they prefer to still live under the same roof so as to save their public image.

Relationships shouldn’t be allowed to get so bad because it leaves the couple tensed and unhappy. I heard of a couple who were keeping malice with each other. They only passed necessary information either through their kids or by leaving a note. This continued for a very long time before they decided to see a counselor who helped them to recover.

2. Disrespect and abuse:

When your spouse has become very abusive and disrespectful, that’s a sign of danger. Everyone deserves some respect but if he shouts and hits you at every slightest provocation, that’s a sign that he doesn’t want to live with you anymore.

A client complained of how her husband had uploaded her picture on social media and was calling her a bitch. He had also gone to her parent’s house to insult them, telling them their daughter was a bitch. Why did he do that? He was unnecessarily jealous so each time he saw her talking to the opposite sex, he assumed she’s cheating.

I lost a friend of mine to domestic violence. She was the good wife but had an aggressive, nagging and abusive husband. He often returned home late in the night after being intoxicated with alcohol.  On such nights he often starts an argument which ends in a fight. On that very day, she had prepared his meal but slept off while waiting for his return. When he came back, he started abusing her for making a meal he considered not tasty. When she replied him, they started fighting and in the process, she slipped and hit her head on the floor. That was how she died.

Being in an abusive relationship is like sleeping in a room that is on fire with the hope of not getting burnt. It is better to put an end to an unhealthy relationship than to suffer needlessly. You deserve to be happy!

3. Sweet sex turned sour:

You may be feminine or masculine but your better half hardly notices you.  He has stopped having sexual intercourse with you and when you try to seduce him, he gets irritated. Why did he change? Could it be that he seeing someone else? In some cases, the sex becomes more of a boring routine. He is either complaining of your sex skills or he’s comparing you with his mistress.

It’s been many years since you last had a nice mutual sex with him and you have tried discussing it but he isn’t interested in making a change. Lack of sexual desire affects the self-worth of the other partner while being desired is essential for one’s psychic fulfillment.

In my private consultations, I have seen individuals who became faded, lost confidence in themselves due to a sour sexual experience in their marriage. Fortunately, a beautiful meeting with a sex therapist can reactivate the desire. This is possible only when the couple is willing to make things work. Meanwhile, what if he is deriving sexual pleasure from someone else? He wouldn’t care if you are sex starved or not.

4. Repetitive disputes:

Do you argue with your spouse all the time? How often do you guys communicate with a calm tone?  The neighbors have known your home to be a wrestling court. You are often nagging over money, family, work, kids, bills, infidelity etc.  Even the dogs in your home would run into a hiding place each time the drama starts. If this situation lasts for years, then your relationship should end especially if your effort to bring peace has been futile. Ego and pride are some of the reasons for dispute. For peace to reign, a spouse must accept to always be the “foolish” peace maker.

5. Repetitive Infidelity:

He/she cheats and does it randomly. He keeps getting ladies pregnant and you just have to deal with your husband’s baby mamas’ drama. Although, he apologizes after each episode but he still repeats same thing over and over again.

You have a spouse who leaves at any time without informing you of his destination. Most times, he doesn’t return until many days and if you ever question his whereabouts, it becomes an issue.

There are some married ladies who sleep around with random men and when they get pregnant, they would lie about the child’s paternity. I heard of a man who killed his two kids when he found out that he wasn’t their biological father. He was sentenced to 7 years in jail. Those years would definitely be years of regret. Meanwhile, it would have been better if he had left the marriage than having to spend 7 years behind bars.

If you have a promiscuous spouse, you’ll need to protect yourself because he might infect you with STIs especially when he doesn’t protect himself while messing up out there.

If you are suffering in a relationship and have tried to make it work but you partner isn’t willing to make a change, do not be afraid to make that decision that would restore your happiness.  When a relationship is over, you may feel the pain of the loss, but it will only be temporary.

When one is at the end of his love story, he often mourns. This is a complex process that includes many confused feelings: grief, anger, apathy and sadness. Your top priority should be your safety and peace of mind so if that is been threatened in your relationship, then taking a walk might be the best decision to take.