How To Tell If He Is Checked Out of the Relationship

Prognostication within a relationship means being aware of what the individual does and how those actions relate to future behaviors.

Ask anyone seeking to predict the weather or the winner of this season’s Bachelor and they will confess the low likelihood of success. Fortunately, targeting specific ways he acts with you will indicate the temperature of the relationship.

Let’s look at these behaviors and the relational result.

Relationship Status: Hot

In this zone, everything is hitting on all cylinders. These items will be the best they could possibly be both within the relationship and how things are operating.

Communication:

• He shares everything.
• No parts of his life appear off limits or clouded in too much mystery.
• He is more than an open book.
• He shares information without being asked, keeps everyone in the loop and listens well when you respond.

Teamwork:

• When it comes to everything, he possess clear opinions while taking in valuable input.
• Every decision demonstrates he is part of a team.

Vulnerability:

• His intentions and heart clearly are on display.
• At no point is there a question as to who he is aligned with.
• He confesses both his struggles and victories, his passions and plights.

Prognosis: Everything looks great. The relationship can grow and plumb greater depths from this place.

Relationship Status: Warm

Bumps show up at this point. Some can be deep enough to cause lasting damage like a busted tire due to a huge pothole coming out of nowhere. That same thing can do more extensive damage down the road if not repaired.

Communication:

• He answers the questions posed to him without offering any elaboration.
• He does not lie or deliberately avoid topics.
• He is merely less inclined to talk with you about things.

Teamwork:

• He may be on board to work with you while keeping other areas completely separate.
• He might offer excuses like certain things do not involve you.
• His investment, though not devoid, is significantly less than full.

Vulnerability:

• His actions and motivations seem to be shrouded in mystery.
• He might be able to explain certain things.
• He more often will say he does not know what he thinks, feels or wants in a given situation.

Prognosis: Cause for concern. The way things trend at this point means the relationship is moving toward jeopardy, but it can still be saved.

Relationship Status: Cold

Long term problems have fractured the skeleton making support, love and care luxuries rather than regular occurrences. From here, life support for love calls into question if things will survive.

Communication:

• He keeps everything to himself.
• Often he gives no basic information.
• He withholds details about where he is, what he is doing and who he spends time with.
• He represents the Bermuda Triangle in your life.

Teamwork:

• His actions point to being a solo player.
• Not only does he only look out for his interests, he likely never takes into account what you need even on the most basic level.

Vulnerability:

• He gives no sign of having any sort of emotional life or depth.
• He guards himself as though sharing anything with you might put himself at risk.
• He also does not seem to take into account the impact his coldness has on you.

Prognosis: Not good. If hope with tough work exists in the Warm stage, then tripled efforts and a miracle will be needed to rescue the relationship.

What next?

To be fair, the majority of long term relationships will vacillate between Warm and Hot. If this was your result from answering these questions, I would not be concerned if you spent 80% of your time in the Hot zone and 20% in the Warm Zone. The Cold Zone is never ok and always a cause for a couple check-up. Don’t wait for “things to get better” as experience shows they will continue on a decline.

Your feelings matter too! If you feel yourself second guessing his actions, or worse, making excuses for his behavior, make sure that you tell a close friend, family member, or someone else you trust. A neutral 3rd party such as a counselor could be a good option for yourself right now, especially to receive unbiased advice on your mental health and your relationship health.

Be brave. If he is not willing to change, you need to take the steps to keep yourself safe and healthy with or without him. Stopping the cooling of the relationship means standing up, calling out problems and working when times get tough.