How to Identify a Sex Addicted Spouse

Counselors define sex addiction as a continuous and repetitive pattern of activity in which an individual uses sex as a way to deal with loneliness, anxiety, sadness, anger, depression and boredom.  Sexual addiction is a disease that encompasses all types of compulsive sexual activity. The sex addict is often unhappy about his addiction and could make attempts to withdraw.

The following are some of the common attitudes portrayed by a sex addict:

• When a sex addict is looking for an adventure, he does not care about anything. He could abandon his partner, job, and family just to go get a dose of pleasure. He also doesn’t care about how much he spends nor the health status of the person he intends to sleep with. This is because he has no control over his urge and can do anything in exchange for his satisfaction.
• A sex addict often masturbates and does it at any location.
• He is very selfish and whenever he needs sex he doesn’t take any excuse from his spouse.
• He often has other addictions such as addiction to drugs, alcohol and pornography.
• Most sex addicts are rapists and they don’t only rape adults, they rape kids and even animals.

There is a high association between sex addiction and other impulse control disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and personality disorders. There are some sex addicts who have only one partner and practice intercourse sporadically with this partner. While there are those who have many partners and practice sex very frequently and randomly.

Sexual addiction is not defined according to the number of partners, but it depends on the reasons why the addicts manifest this sexual behavior and whether or not they can abandon that behavior.

Consequences of Sex Addiction

According to a research on sexual addiction diagnosed in more than 200 people who had different mental health problems, the researchers managed to correctly diagnose 88 percent of the patients. They found out that 17 percent of the sexually addicted patients had lost their job at least once, 39 percent had ended a relationship and 28 percent had contracted some sexually transmitted disease.  Hypersexual behavior is related to greater emotional disturbance, impulsivity and inability to manage stress.

The results also revealed that 54 percent of those affected had realized having abnormal sexual behavior before they got to 18 years, and 30 percent exploited their sexuality during their college years, between 18 and 25 years. In addition, the most repeated behaviors among the patients included masturbation and excessive use of pornography, followed by consensual sex and cybersex. These people have had relationships with sex workers and repeated encounters with strangers, with an average of 15 sexual partners in the last 12 months.

Sexual addiction can lead to suicide. There is the case of Paul, a young pastor. He was addicted to pornography since he was eleven years old. This continued till he got married. As an adult he loved having sex with younger girls and he became involved with a sixteen-year-old girl from the youth group. He was caught while sexually molesting the girl and was arrested. On the day of his trial, he committed suicide because he was too ashamed to face trial.

Sex addicts also suffer from depression, anxiety and other emotional disorders. Often sex addicts are so involved in their activities that they end up exhausted or with a nervous breakdown. Fatigue and exhaustion in turn can cause a plethora of symptoms and physical illnesses. The consequences of sexual addiction don’t prevent an addict from exploring his sexuality. I know several sex addicts who have had sex with people who they knew were sick with AIDS. This is how desperate addicts can be just to get their “dose”, and this is another example of the kind of suicidal thoughts they may have.

Do you have a sex addicted spouse? Would you love to help him/her recover from sex addiction? If yes, then the individual should visit a sexologist who would assist him in recovering from sexual addiction.