SHOULD I TAKE REVENGE ON AN UNFAITHFUL SPOUSE?

After an infidelity, it is normal to feel the desire for a revenge. This desire is often strong especially when you have turned down advances from others just because you didn’t want to be the unfaithful partner. To you, the marital vows should always be kept sacred, unfortunately, your partner thinks otherwise and that’s why he/she cheated.

What is the best way to react after an infidelity? In a study published in 2017 Personal Relationships Journals, researchers in Psychology at the University of Calgary in Canada found that 92.3% of respondents have already considered revenge in their romantic relationships. But only 49.2% took action.

There are different reasons why people choose to take revenge and some of them include:

“I cheated on my husband and when he found out he was hurt. I needed him to go through the same pain I went through on the different occasions he cheated on me.”    Bella

 ” I asked my girlfriend to create a fake Facebook profile where she posted pictures of a cute guy.  We would chat and talk all day especially whenever my husband was around. I was even sending pictures of my boobs during the conversation and I made sure that my husband saw all those things.

 

He was hurt but he couldn’t question my relationship because he was also guilty of infidelity. He had even gotten his mistress pregnant. I continued flirting with different guys on social media although I never met up with any one of them. When I got satisfied, I confessed to him that those persons I was talking to were actually fake and I only did that to hurt him. “   Francisca

“When I was single I used to visit brothels just to have sex with prostitutes but after I got married, I said goodbye to that chapter. For five years I was faithful to my ex-wife not until that day when I found out that I wasn’t the biological father to our 3 years old child.

 

My ex-wife had cheated on me with her ex- boyfriend. They were having an affair even after she got married to me. That day when I found out, I felt so heartbroken. In revenge I went out and slept with some prostitutes.”   Mark

The desire for a revenge is almost an automatic response. After an infidelity, most betrayed spouses lose their self-esteem and resort to revenge in order to regain it. Some of these individuals can only forgive and recover from their spouse’s infidelity after they have revenged and inflicted pain on their spouse.

Is taking a revenge the best option?  

They say two wrongs can never make a right and that is why a revenge isn’t always a good idea.  In a 2008 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, US researchers at the University of Virginia found that those who take revenge for the purpose of seeking pleasure, most often get an extra sadness.

If after an infidelity the betrayed wife decides to sleep with her husband’s best friend, ruin his sexual reputation and humiliate his mistress, would that truly take away the pains caused by his betrayal? What if after the revenge he decides to leave her, would she still be happy especially if she is still in love with him?

A revenge could go wrong too as you might get yourself into difficult situations you never wished for. Many persons have been sentenced to life imprisonment for committing murder in revenge for an infidelity. Such would have been avoided if only the right revenge was taken.  

What is the best revenge to take after an infidelity?

Revenge doesn’t always mean making your ex or your spouse to suffer after an infidelity because most times those who take revenge end up suffering more. Although, I am not here to tell you not to take a revenge after an infidelity. I would like you to take the appropriate revenge.

The best revenge is to work on oneself and let go of the negative feelings caused by your partner’s infidelity. Instead of wallowing in sadness and crying all day and nights for being betrayed, I think you should rise up and take a revenge. Your life shouldn’t stop because you were cheated on. No! No! No! Take a revenge.

The most beautiful revenge is to flourish, regain one’s independence, sanity, self-esteem, charisma and live your life like nothing ever happened. If you hold on to unforgiveness, it would cause you more harm so in order to take a revenge you must learn to forgive and let go.