How to Identify an Emotionally Dependent Partner

Finding someone who loves you as much as you do is one of the best things that could happen to an individual.  Each second spent with your true love feels like living in paradise. When you are in love, you don’t need a soothsayer to confirm your feelings. The happiness and peace in your heart confirm it all.

The feelings of love can be so fascinating but if not controlled it can grow into an intoxicating addiction. Victims of such addiction become emotionally dependent on their partners. They start acting like their happiness, peace, sanity and everything can only come from their partner. Those are the kind of people that say: “I love you so much and without you, my life is meaningless.”

Are you for real?  Does that mean your life was meaningless before you found your partner? Of course, no.  A healthy relationship involves two individuals who are emotionally interdependent. It becomes unhealthy when one partner is totally emotionally dependent on the other.

Since there’s a thin line between being in love and being emotionally dependent, how would one recognize an emotionally dependent spouse? The following signs should guide you.

Jealousy and insecurity:

An emotionally dependent partner is always extremely jealous of unnecessary things. She can get jealous when you pay more attention to your laptop than to her. When you hang out with friends, she asks different questions just to be sure that you aren’t cheating on her. She also has insecurity issues.

Can’t stay away from her partner:

She hates staying away for a while. If for any reason she is forced to stay away, she becomes unhappy. She is only happy when she spends time with her partner.

She is manipulative

She uses emotional blackmailing to make her partner succumb to her needs.

Always bothered about what her partner thinks:

She can’t do anything without her partner’s consent. For example; she needs him to select the clothes she would wear and compliment her every single appearance. If he decides not to say anything, she would feel bad.

She can’t make any decision of her own:

She expects her partner to decide on everything that happens in her life. Her sense of self-worth relies only on her partner’s affection and approval.

She changes her hobbies:

An emotionally dependent woman would change her hobbies into that of her spouse because she thinks that would make him love her more.

She can’t live without him:

She is so scared of losing her man. She sees him as the center of her world so if he ever leaves her she might want to die.

Where does emotional dependence come from?

The act of dependence is in us, not outside of us. I have met individuals who are unhappy because they are still single. They assume they can only find happiness when they get a lover. If finally, someone comes into their life, they become emotionally dependent on that individual.

How to overcome emotional dependence

• Always be responsible for your happiness.
• Don’t expect someone else to always be there for you, be there for yourself.
• Discover your vulnerability and work on it.
• Love and take care of yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to do that for you.
• Let go of unhealthy attachments.
• Be responsible for your needs.
• Recognize and let go of self-destructive childhood attitudes.
• Avoid being too clingy.
• Avoid getting carried away by desire.
• Recognize when your inner reactions make you more dependent.
• Work on developing an authentically independent mindset.
• Cultivate an easygoing sense of self-respect.
• Avoid idolizing anyone.
• Take things slowly and play it cool.

Conclusion:

Being emotionally independent doesn’t mean that your relationship should be devoid of reliance on your spouse. I believe that every emotionally mature adult should be able to identify the point where love turns into an emotional addiction. So while you are happily in love, avoid being a parasite who can’t survive without the host.

Emotional dependence stops the day we are able to look within ourselves, our fears, our lacks, our mistakes and still recognize our personal completeness. You must realize that you are the best person that can give you the happiness that you seek. You are the only one that can fill up your emptiness. Everything and everyone else would fail. So instead of expecting someone else to love you, I think you should start loving you for who you are. That’s the secret to true happiness and freedom.

Sources:

• http://www.wisemushroom.org/how-to-overcome-emotional-dependency/
• http://unisoultheory.com/index.php/2016/10/05/emotionally-dependent/