HELP!! MY PARTNER WANTS A THREESOME

The impact of sex on any marriage is undeniably huge. With the evolution of time, couples have generally begun to really acknowledge its influence, leaving behind an age when people never openly discussed what happened within the walls of the bedroom.

Sex involving three people at the same time and place has found a way to the top of the list of adventurous sexual activities. Whether it was on a random hook-up or planned settings, a threesome is the perfect example of the conversion of a sexual fantasy into reality.

“Help!! My Husband wants a threesome.”

Sarah is 33years old and has been married for 6 years. She came to me a month ago seeking for advice. “Two weeks ago, my husband said we needed to spice things up in the bedroom. He said he felt the drive wasn’t there anymore and that it was all the same old routine.” This was how she started when she came to my office.

She continued telling me, “I love my husband and I know he loves me too. We have two kids and it hasn’t been easy balancing between my job and taking care of my home. Before we got married, we have always loved adventure, especially in the bedroom even though the pace might have reduced over the years. And now he said he wants us to have a threesome!!”

Now, I couldn’t possibly forget this day, it was a sunny afternoon in the month of July. What made this particular interaction stand-out was the couple who had previously come in with a similar issue earlier that same day. I could see it had become a trend, as couples suggest having an extra person in the bedroom with the hope it would help improve their sex life. 

The need for more!! The yearning for better!! More spice!!

They all have these in common. For married couples, there is that constant search for renewal. For that extra spice. For something different in the bedroom. Sometimes it feels like a long journey and one of the partners, if not both, might get parched and would require fluid to get back up. What makes this an interesting topic is the fact that of all the various sexual adventures/experiences, a threesome involves bringing an extra person into the bedroom.

Each partner in any marriage undoubtedly has his/her own needs and desires. What matters most for the success of any union is a balance and acknowledgment of your partner’s wants. Ensuring each partner feels satisfied and gets that constant dose of fulfillment. In such a situation, what should be done when a partner requests for a threesome? Before accepting to indulge in a threesome, some things must be considered…

Communication:

Communication is very important. Nothing should be ignored or left out. What reasons are there for this need? Is it something that the other partner could possibly also want? Does the experience have any potential to boost the marriage and enhance their sex life? Is kissing or penetrating the third person allowed? All cards must be put on the table and all concerns addressed.

Who would be the third wheel?

A friend, ex, neighbor, or a stranger?  Would it be a male or female? While the lady might prefer having an extra male, the man might want an extra female. Reaching a common taste would help the couple while planning for the adventure.

It is a rule of thumb that the “third wheel” should not be someone either partner might have a thing for. The person should preferably be a stranger or an extremely casual friend. Hook-up sites for threesomes have made this relatively easy.

The Benefits of A Threesome…

Ø    Adventure is first and foremost.

Ø    It also serves the function of providing a key source of spice in the marriage.

Ø    It gives a different form of thrill.

Ø    You can get to try out new things.

Each person has a rare chance to see his/her partner get and provide excitement for someone else, a unique form of thrill. And if you have both previously discussed some sex positions that you still haven’t been able to give a shot, there is no better time than when having a threesome. In most cases, the extra person is quite adventurous, as such, would be more willing to indulge in extra-fun stuff. Finally, it could provide that spice, spark, and adventure which could potentially renew the fire in your marriage.

The Negative Effects of A Threesome Include;

Ø    Jealousy,

Ø    A possible lack of adequate attention to each partner,

Ø    The increased chance of getting STIs,

Ø    One partner might like it a bit too much and would want it more often.

Mainly centered around jealousy and a lack of proper attention to each person during the actual act of a threesome. Clear boundaries should be set on what actions are permitted, which ways would be too far, who should be doing what, etc. Failure to set proper boundaries could also come back to haunt the marriage.

The simple, yet, effective way to tackle this is through effective communication. Proper attention should be paid to each partner during the process so no-one feels left out. And extra precautions should be taken at all time to ensure there is no chance of contracting any sexually transmitted diseases.

It is true we are not all tuned the same way, but one of our greatest traits as humans is the ability to do whatever we set our minds to. The fact that your partner wants a threesome, doesn’t mean you should give in to his/her demands especially if you aren’t interested. Just like infidelity, having a threesome can make you lose trust in your spouse.

A lady complained of how her husband started acting weird towards her after their threesome encounter. He had complained of how she moaned loudly when the third man was on her. The incident made him lose his self-confidence because he felt the third man had more vigor and sex skills than him. So, instead of reviving the spark the couple sort, the threesome created a misunderstanding and an emotional gap.

As adults, we all know what we want and how to get it. While Mrs. A might have had an unpleasant threesome experience, Mrs. B, might have had a thrilling experience. So when faced with such a situation, don’t predict the aftermath using other people’s experience. Your marriage is unique so analyze the different possibilities first.

If you accept a threesome today, would you also accept it in the future? What if your partner starts an affair with the third wheel, would you consider that to be infidelity? Apart from having a threesome, are there other ways you can revive the spark in your sex life? Spend time and answer those and many other questions before making your decision.