Affair Prevention: A warning on opposite sex friendships and marriage

Having a friend with the opposite sex is not wrong. But it can go wrong for your relationship really fast if you are not 100% mindful of your language and behavior.

It truly amuses me to no end when an unfaithful spouse presents for affair recovery counseling, and tries to justify the innocence of the opposite sex friendship – before admitting to cheating with the friend. The scenario often sounds like this:

“Cindy and I have been friends for over 20 years, and had never been inappropriate in the past. My wife was out of town, and we hadn’t been getting along the past few months. My best friend knew exactly what to say to make me smile, and it was at that moment, when I inappropriately gave her a passionate kiss which was reciprocated with the same intensity. We both knew it was wrong but we couldn’t stop ourselves. The sex truly wasn’t worth it, and now both relationships are at risk of destruction.”

Now I consider myself to be really modern chick – a person with a well rounded life, and friends from all walks of life, and both sexes. However due to my vast experience in infidelity recovery over the past 20 years, I am confident to say that unless your spouse is your best friend, and is 100% comfortable with your opposite sex friend, then your relationship is doomed. No person in a relationship wants to feel 2nd best, and/or in competition with another person for your attention.

Here are 6 Quick Reminders to Consider:

Ensure you always act with the utmost of integrity:

1. NO inappropriate touching -eg  is it really ok to touch each other on the lower back? What about on the forearm? Is that too intimate? Try roleplaying this with your spouse and get an idea of what it looks like to others, and consider how you would feel if your spouse did the same with the opposite sex.
2. Respect your space as a couple – eg Don’t chat to your friend whilst laying in your marital bed! Do you let your friend socialize in your bedroom? Where do you sit when you are eating with your friend? Does proximity matter?
3. Recreational Activities – NEVER not include your spouse in recreational activities. Couples that play together, stay together. Who are YOU playing with?
4. Don’t treat your friend better than your spouse – TIP – Your spouse should always and without question be treated as #1.
5. Don’t share secrets with your friend that you wouldn’t share with your spouse. – Why? It creates a shared history with another person and diminishes the relationship bond and/or puts barriers in the opportunity for the relationship to grow
6. Don’t change the conversation when your spouse walks in the room. Enough said!

Yes – these points may seam obvious, but some people are so oblivious to their actions they forget how toxic their behavior is to their own relationship/s.  When you are with a friend who could tempt you to into compromising your commitment to your spouse, ask yourself one of these questions:

Is this person a friend or foe of my marriage/relationship?

Is this person closer to me emotionally than my spouse?

Do I share more with my friend than what I do my spouse?

Why do I share “the small moments” with my friend and not my spouse?

If he or she is a great buddy of yours, but doesn’t care to know about, or interact with, your spouse, then that could spell trouble for your marriage. My advice is to always protect your marriage. Set razor sharp boundaries to protect your relationships best interests.

And if you can’t do the right thing by your spouse – end the relationship! No use in emotionally abusing your spouse any longer than need be.

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/1058967_10152076863468009_1579579073_n.jpg[/author_image] [author_info] I’m a Clinical Psychologist & founder of the Infidelity Recovery Institute. I specialize in the area of infidelity and affair recovery. I am an IRI Certified Infidelity Recovery specialist. Affair Recovery cannot happen without professional and specialized help. Please allow me to help you recover from the infidelity, and save your family. Make an appointment to talk with me today about your Affair Recovery Options – http://savannahellis.net/make-an-appointment/[/author_info] [/author]

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Savannah holds Psychology degrees from Monash University, Australia: Bachelor Behavioral Science (BBSc), and post graduate degrees in Clinical Psychology. She also has many years of business management and coaching experience, and holds Management qualifications: Master Business Administration (MBA) and a Doctor Business Administration (DBA).