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Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
by Shirley Glass
Refusing to pander to audiences expecting Dr. Phil-type quick fixes, Glass (who has appeared on Oprah herself) chooses “a new, fact-based, scientifically and therapeutically responsible approach” to a subject she contends is fraught with public and professional misconceptions.
Drawing on research studies (her own and others’) and clinical cases from her 25 years as a psychotherapist, she explores “the new crisis of infidelity” resulting from platonic relationships that become progressively intense.
Personal and professional friendships between men and women have become so prevalent and accepted that, according to Glass, even “good” people in “good” marriages can be swept away in a riptide of emotional intimacy more potent than sheer sexual attraction. Glass scrutinizes affairs and offers well-defined guidelines, including tips for determining how vulnerable individuals and relationships are to temptation, and prescriptions for keeping relationships “safe,” repairing betrayal-induced damages and recovering from the trauma.
Glass’s credentials and commitment lend this book credence as a valuable resource; Staeheli’s easy, personable style and the well-organized format make it user-friendly, too.
Who will benefit from reading this book?
This is the book for you if you are struggling with questions like:
- Why did this happen?
- What do we do now?
- Is the marriage worth trying to save?
- If so, how do we do it?
From a betrayed husband….
” I personally did not read all of the chapters. My marriage is long over and I was just looking for a book to help give me closure. I think this did it for me. I kind of wish I had found this book shortly after my ex-wife’s affair. It might not have changed whether or not we would have stayed together, but it would have made the last nine months a whole lot easier. “
Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.
A Book Review:
I’d like to take a minute to comment on the value and meaning of this book to me. I am a woman who has been married to the same man for 28 years. We have 2 grown children, and have gone throught the issues many long-term married couples go through, including infidelity. I found out about my husband’s affair from to woman’s husband several years after it was over. Everyone “thought I knew”….I did not, although I knew we were having trouble. I just thought it would work itself out. It did, but that was because my husband ended the affair. You can’t be “friends” with two women or men on the level it takes to have an intimate relationship. Let me say that I have a PhD in Nursing, am faculty at a large university in the Southwest and am very knowledgeable about family relationships. I did not “know” my husband was having an affair with a woman he called “just my friend”( I can’t really say if I was in denial or not, but that doesn’t seem valid to me). The affair lasted off and on for about six years. My life, and the lives of our children were “hell” during this time, for lack of a better word. Dr. Glass correctly states that if you are better friends with another person than your spouse, you have opened yourself up to be more intimate with another person than the one you vowed to cherish. If you are to be in a satisfied, committed relationship, a close relationship with a member of the opposite sex is frought with complications. You can’t be “loyal” to two men or women at the same time ( This is particularly difficult for me to say, because I have always regarded myself as a feminist. The problem is the other woman was not, and wanted my husband.) This is my opinion, based on information I have gathered professionally and personally, but I believe in Dr. Glass’ work and I think it is meaningful. I have read just about everything written about the subject of infidelity, and this book helped my husband (who read it also) and me more than any information did before or since. I wish anyone who is suffering from the pain of infidelity (regardless of the side of the fence they are on) peace.
Sold in bookstores and on Amazon: http://amzn.to/29tUCRw
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