1. All Articles
Book Review: The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity
Jan
Do you want to know The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity ?
Scott Haltzman is a distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and former clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Brown University. Up to 40 percent of American marriages are rocked by affairs every year, and the chances of cheating go up each year couples are together. Among the +60 crowd 28 percent of men and 15 percent of women have had at least one indiscretion.
Why do people have affairs?
Haltzman points to the following reasons:
1. Having an affair makes someone feel attractive.
2, Same ol’ is same ol’.
3. The allure of others.
4. Lack of morality.
5. Addiction steers people off course.
And for those who do not go for these psychological reasons, there is scientific evidence that adultery can be set in motion by three neurotransmitters — norephinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin. It also is influenced by hormones and the biological drive.
One aspect of affairs often depicted in movies is that they usually take place between two responsible people who have absolutely no intention of cheating. That is why Holtzman counsels us to be on the alert for ways in which the Internet makes it easy to find potential mates, including Facebook friendships. He advises us to pay attention to NOD — an acronym for three impulses that lead to adultery: Need, Opportunity, and Disinhibition.
Marital relationships can survive adultery, and Haltzman discusses the four steps to ending an affair, the principles of apology, four guidelines in recovery, and the one rule to a happy marriage. Using examples from his practice, the author sheds new light on a proverbial problem.
What others say…
Rebuilding trust after an affair is not easy and requires a special kind of support and clear guidance. Scott Haltzman can show you the way. Taking the time to read this book will change your life.
(John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)This isn’t just a supremely helpful book on understanding―and recovering from―infidelity. It’s a great book on marriage. The honest, warmhearted, and wise insight Scott Haltzman provides here can bring you hope and much more―a path forward. This is the book you are looking for right now.
(Scott Stanley, Ph.D., author of The Power of Commitment)Anyone who has, or is in the profession of helping those who have, or who just wants to know everything about, affairs will benefit from reading this book, and should read it. It is the most comprehensive book on the topic I have seen. I highly recommend it.
(Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples)
This book provides a wonderfully comprehensive look at all aspects of affairs, including both sophisticated concepts and down-to-earth practical action steps. It is ‘must reading’ for anyone who wants to survive affairs―or just to improve their marriage.
(Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth)
Scott Haltzman has done it again―given us a wise, compassionate, and practical guide to the perils and joys of married life. Here he takes on the most shameful and agonizing experience people go through in relationships in a book that helps both the person cheated on and the person who had the affair. Anyone who has gone through this turbulent experience should read it.
(William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor and director, Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project at the University of Minnesota, and author of Take Back Your Marriage)
Scott Haltzman gets down to what’s needed: the nitty-gritty details of how to define infidelity, how to end it, and how to recover. The book is so good that it’s also a great how-to-avoid-it manual that all married folks should read long before infidelity is even on the horizon.
(Diane Sollee, M.S.W., founder and director, SmartMarriages.com)
In this digital age, more and more couples are finding out where their boundaries are―once they have been crossed. Whether it’s friending an old flame on Facebook, sexting someone on Twitter, or flirting online through Skype, many spouses and partners are blindsided and forced to deal with an emotional, online, or real-time affair. Thankfully, The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity is here. It’s a step-by-step survival guide to help your relationship deal with, survive, and overcome the pain of infidelity. If there is ‘one last thing’ you’re willing to do to try to save your relationship from an affair, it should be to read this book!
(K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky, coauthors of Facebook and Your Marriage)
With the infidelity epidemic, every couple needs a survival guide and Scott Haltzman is just the professional to provide it! This common crisis can literally make or break a marriage. Most of those who go on to better relationships do so with expert help. This book is a ‘must’ for the modern marriage.
(Patricia Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth about Love)
For anyone who has felt the pain of infidelity, this compassionate and encouraging book is definitely for you. Based on years of clinical experience and research, Scott Haltzman’s step-by- step plan will help you recognize, understand, and then take control of your relationship and your life. One thing is clear―whether you’ve had an affair or are contemplating one, or you’ve had a partner who strayed―the knowledge you’ll gain from reading this book is invaluable.
(Terri Orbuch Ph.D., relationship expert and author of Finding Love Again: Six Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship)
As a pro-marriage therapist who works with couples dealing with affairs on a regular basis, I am so pleased to have Scott Haltzman’s book available. Couples going through this situation are overwhelmed, confused, and often feel like they are drowning. He has done a wonderful job of explaining in an easy-to-comprehend way all the different types of affairs as well as tools to deal with them. This volume is a wonderful roadmap to assist couples navigating their way back to trust and connection. It’s also a great addition to complement therapists doing this type of work.
(Karen H. Sherman, Ph.D., author of Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life)
The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity is a very important contribution to this topic. Scott Haltzman is a respected psychiatrist and marriage therapist who has a practical approach to healing from affairs. His book takes a clear stance about avoiding affairs.
(Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., author of Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages)
Scott Haltzman’s excellent book blends clinical and true-to-life descriptions of the who, what and why of infidelity with profound and personal counsel indispensable for healing the wounds of betrayal. The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity is more than a superb book―it will become your own personal, dynamic counselor navigating you through the pain and confusion of infidelity.
(John Van Epp, Ph.D., author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk)
While keyed specifically to meet the needs of couples coping with the shock and pain of an affair, this vital guide from marriage and infidelity expert Haltzman… contains cogent advice for anyone in a troubled relationship.
(Publishers Weekly)
Because Haltzman draws on his own experience providing couples counseling, as well as academic research studies, the guidance he offers is credible and convincing.
(Maria Siano Foreword Reviews)
The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity is well written and easy to read. Furthermore, given its subject matter, it will appeal to a broad audience. Although the discussion of neurotransmitter and neurobiology may seem foreign to some, the vast majority of the book will connect with people, especially those who have been touched by infidelity.
(Chammie Austin PsycCRITIQUES)
The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity
Available on Amazon
