Dealing with Infidelity and STDs- Part One

It was a very sunny afternoon when I got a call from my doctor.  I had gone to the hospital some days back and complained about some symptoms. I noticed that I was frequently peeing and was experiencing pain in my abdomen. I had complained to my husband, and as usual, he didn’t say anything. At the hospital, some tests were done, and my doctor actually called to tell me the results.

“Hello Ma’am, how are you doing today?”

“I’m doing great.”

“Okay. Concerning the tests you did, your pap smear results show you tested positive for gonorrhea.”

“Gonorrhea? How did that happen?” I asked.

“When was the last time you and your husband tested for STDs?

“Two years ago, and everything was negative,” I replied.

“Have you been faithful to each other ever since?”

“Yes!” I responded.

‘Well, the results show that you have contracted gonorrhea. Please ask your husband to come for testing so we would know his status too.”

After the call ended, I started thinking about how I got infected. Charles and I have been married for fifteen years, and I was a virgin when we got married. I didn’t even know much about gonorrhea. After we got married, we had done STDs screening, and everything was fine. Having an STD was something I never imagined would happen to me. So I felt something was wrong somewhere. When my husband came back, I told him about the results, and guess what? He was not even surprised. Then I told him that the doctor requested that he should carry out some tests too. It was at that point that he said he had a confession to make.

“I am sorry because what I am about to tell you would come like a shock to you. I know how much you love and respect me, and I never imagined that I would betray your trust, but unfortunately, I did. I had an affair with a lady I met while I was away at work. It was during that period that my company sent me to supervise the construction work at the other site. I was assigned to go on that trip with Cynthia, the head of the accounting department. We were both lodged in the same hotel. During the two weeks that we worked together, I became attracted to her, and before I could understand what was going on, I had already started an affair with her.

At first, I thought the affair would end with the trip, but it didn’t. I’m so sorry to admit that the affair lasted for eight months. We broke up recently when I discovered that she is a liar and a cheat. Regarding the STD, I discovered that I was infected a month ago, so I have been avoiding you. I didn’t know that you had already contracted it. Please, I am very sorry. Forgive me.”

I can’t describe the overwhelming feeling that came over me after my husband’s confession. I couldn’t believe what my ears heard. This is the same man that seemed like a perfect husband. Why didn’t I get suspicious? Maybe because I trusted him so much. I became so scared. Was it just gonorrhea that I had contracted? I needed to do further screening, so I called my doctor to book another appointment.

I still remember that Friday morning when my husband and I walked into the laboratory. Our samples were tested for other STDs. I felt afraid that he could have exposed me to something even worse. While we sat there waiting to be called for the results, my heart was racing. What exactly did I do to deserve such betrayal? Charles is the only man that I have slept with my entire life. Where exactly did I go wrong?

About an hour later, the doctor called us into his office. He started by explaining what STDs are and how they can be contracted. He talked about the importance of sticking to one partner and all that. Then finally, he announced the test results to us. Fortunately, I was told that I had just gonorrhea and needed to start treatment immediately. The next shocking news we received was when my husband was told that he had also contracted HIV… Yes! I was shocked to my bones. On further questioning about who might have given it to him, he said he had broken up with the lady he had an affair with when he discovered that she had multiple sex partners. So from all indications, she is a whore who derives joy in spreading STDs to as many persons that fall into her trap. It was really pathetic. When the doctor said I tested negative for HIV, I was still afraid. I was asked to return for a follow-up test in the next couple of months. My dear, I was repeating HIV tests for one year, and luckily for me, they all turned out negative. I just can’t explain how happy I was.

 

Saving My Marriage:

 

If five years ago, you had asked me what I would do if my husband cheated and infected me with an STD, I would have told you that I would scream at the top of my lungs, set his car on fire, and file for a divorce. I’m still surprised that I couldn’t do any of those things when I was faced with the same situation. Instead, I  sat down in my closet and cried bitterly. I wondered how I was supposed to fix the mess. I thought about the fifteen happy years I had shared with this man. I thought about my kids. What would I tell them? How would they cope if we got divorced? I thought about the love I have for my husband, and I felt so helpless.

The truth is that I found it very difficult to forgive him. I still remember that day when I asked him to move out of the apartment. I told him to go because I needed some time to think over everything. He packed his belongings, and before he left, he told me that he would never stop loving me no matter what happens. Those words melted my heart. Charles and I were separated for twelve months. I needed time to forget about his infidelity and heal. I tried to live without him, but I must confess that it wasn’t easy. He kept on sending me messages to tell me how sorry he was and that he would never stop loving me.

I joined a therapy class where I met people who were dealing with a similar issue in their marriage. Those classes and interactions made me realize that I could still save my marriage. I also learned how to cope with a spouse that has HIV. Since we had already stopped giving birth, it seemed easier. After several contemplations, I decided that it was time to forget about the past and move on. I called him on the phone and told him that he could return home. I still remember how happy he was. Yes! I forgave my husband and saved my marriage.

My Advice:

By the grace of God, I can say that I don’t worry about my husband’s HIV status anymore. I have chosen to focus on the present and future of my marriage.  I am not saying that everyone should follow in my footsteps. No! If you are married to an unrepentant serial cheat, then you might be treating STDs, only to get infected again and again. My best advice to married couples, especially the wives, is to always ask for STD tests during your yearly pap smear. Even if you feel you are married to Mr. Holy Husband, please still carry out the tests. Sometimes, what may seem like a black-and-white issue in your marriage may have varying shades of gray.

Recommendation:

Are you at the point of losing your marriage because of an STD gotten through infidelity? Would you like to save your marriage? If yes, we are here to help you fix it. Just visit us by clicking on the link below:

 

Save My Marriage Today