Easy Ways To Help Your Spouse Conquer His Addiction To Pornography

Did you just discover that your husband is engaged in pornography? Well, you are not alone. The battle against the pornographic monster is a growing problem that affects all strata of society. And the problem will certainly increase because of the proliferation of porn sites on the Internet, which offer both greater accessibility and total anonymity. Statistics show that pornography accounts for 35% of Internet use and that 50% of men have serious problems in this area.

Of course, that does not make it easier to accept. You will naturally be collapsed when you learn that your husband is engaged in pornography. You will feel like you have been betrayed and it will destroy the trust you had in him.

Whether your husband has been involved in pornography, or physically cheated on you, the violation is felt the same way. Your reaction may range from disbelief to disgust and fear. You’d wonder how he could replace you with someone else. I understand how that hurts; especially when you have been putting efforts to maintain an intimate relationship with him. So now that you have found out, what’s next?

First steps:
On discovery, the first thing you’ll need to adjust is your own reaction. Your feelings, powerful as they are, are both understandable and justified. But at the same time, you have to be very careful so your reaction doesn’t cause more problems.

If you must express how you feel, do it in a way that does not condemn him. Be honest with your suffering, express your disappointment frankly, but realize that attacking with hurtful words would only make things worse. Your first reaction will probably depend on how you discovered the pot of roses. Because there is a difference between a husband who tells you about his problems and the discovery you make all by yourself. We obviously have more confidence in someone who wants to admit it before being caught in the act.

On the other hand, it happens sometimes that God forces discovery to push a person to face his problems with pornography. No matter how you learn it, it’s a problem you have to face. As long as your spouse remains totally honest about his fight, you can work together to overcome this problem.

How much do you need to know?
You need to have complete freedom to ask your husband the questions you have on your heart, as well as to receive the answers. If you wish to know what happened with the intent to forgive and find peace in you, ask him your questions. But if your questions would only fuel your resentment and revenge, do not ask them. Try to do it with an attitude that does not judge nor punish. Your husband probably feels terribly guilty, and what he needs is to be assured that you are always on his side while he journeys to freedom.

Focus on the needs:
In leading this battle together, you must be attentive to the needs of one another. You can help your husband by telling him openly what you need right now. First, your biggest need is to rebuild trust in your relationship. There is no shortcut for this: it takes time. Your husband must be completely transparent, whether on past indiscretion or the failure it has caused. In the same way, you must also be totally open to your feelings.

Try to figure out the neglected needs of your partner that probably caused the addiction. It might be that he feels you are not physically and emotionally available to him. If I may ask; how often do you turn down his sexual advances? Are you even close to him or you guys are just living as roommates? The emotional realm is important in every relationship so it is essential to restore friendship and intimacy.

Seek Counseling:
If he’s a chronic addict, you can coerce him into seeing a therapist. If you also need someone to talk to about how your partner’s addiction affects you, you should also confide in a therapist.
Do note that this is a private issue so it would be wrong if you went about telling your close friends and family, about his addiction.

Finally, to overcome the addiction, you’ll need your husband to fight against it. He must find help outside of you. He must break the silence and be responsible either to a counselor or to a Christian friend who would monitor his recovery.

Don’t expect quick results so if you found him viewing such items during his recovery therapy, just be patient and scold him with love. One day, he would get over it completely as long as you don’t give up on him.