Eight Common Myths vs. Reality About Marital Infidelity

Marital infidelity, or ‘cheating’ as it is commonly referred to nowadays, is as old as the hills as the saying goes. Although it is a common practise which is openly flaunted on soap operas and on the movie screens, in reality the facts about unfaithfulness may be somewhat different than the commonly believed myths. This article will discuss eight common reasons for infidelity and the corresponding myths about why people cheat on their marriage partners.

1.Myth: It only happens to those who are looking for it

Fact: It can happen to anyone

Most times an affair starts out as an innocent and platonic friendship, and then one thing leads to another, and eventually they find themselves in each other’s arms. The pitiful remorse of an unfaithful husband or wife is echoed in the frequent words, “I just don’t know what happened… I never meant to go this far…” Failure to recognise the slippery slope often leads them right past the point of no return. So it really can happen to anyone who is not vigilant and on their guard. Of course there are those who are looking for it too, but generally no one is immune.

2.Myth: When there’s cheating it is the end of the marriage

Fact: It does not necessarily mean the marriage is over

Thankfully an affair is not an automatic death-sentence for every marriage. There are countless heartening testimonies of marriages which have survived the ravages of infidelity. This can happen when both partners choose to see the affair as a serious wake-up call. When the unfaithful one is repentant and his or her spouse is willing to forgive, they can be willing to make a fresh start and work on making their marriage relationship as good as it can be. In fact, some couples even say that their marriage is better since they have survived the affair and learnt valuable lessons together.

3.Myth: An adulterer will always be an adulterer

Fact: It can be a once-off

There are some people who have repeated affairs, but this is by no means the rule. There are many who have just one affair and then they decide to mend their ways when they realize the hurt that they have caused. Those who are willing to do this will cut all ties with the affair partner and resolve never to cross that line again. They will have a new awareness of the dangers of cultivating a close friendship which is out of bounds and they will be much more careful in the future. Not all adulterers are repeat offenders or sex addicts.

4. Myth: Affairs only happen when the marriage is bad

Fact: Even good marriages are not immune

As discussed in the first point – it really can happen to anyone, even those who are happily married, perhaps for many years already. Despite having a loving faithful partner at home, sometimes an area of weakness at work can bring certain vulnerability. For example, pressure at work or needing to work overtime on a taxing project, with someone special… this can lead to an affair quite unintentionally if one is not vigilant and careful. So it is not true that the marriage has to be bad or struggling for an affair to happen – even those with generally good and happy marriages sometimes find themselves cheating.

5. Myth: The unfaithful spouse always goes for someone younger

Fact: It happens to all ages

Age is often completely irrelevant when it comes to cheating – it can happen to all ages, at all stages of life. Many times the affair partner is the same age and status as the marriage partner. The so called mid-life crisis is often blamed for a lot of infidelity and especially seeking a younger partner to make oneself feel youthful again. However, in reality there is unfaithfulness across the board, from those in their twenties to those in their sixties and beyond.

6. Myth: It’s all about sex

Fact:  It’s about more than sex

Although sex can end up being a major part of the relationship, it often starts out as a platonic friendship and then develops into an emotional attachment which then becomes physical. Most times there was no intention of having sexual intimacy but rather it was the emotional connection that was desired, and then almost against their wills the desire for sex became irresistible. So arguably it is not only about sex but there is much more to it as well.

7. Myth: It’s only cheating when there is sex

Infidelity can happen without sex

Emotional attachments are tantamount to infidelity, especially when there is fantasizing taking place on one or both sides and usually it is just a matter of time before sexual relations occur. Anyone who is honest and truthful will admit that in most cases infidelity happens in the heart long before it manifests in the outward actions of the body. That is why it is so important to guard your heart and your thoughts because this is where actions are born. If you are thinking lustful thoughts about someone they can often feel it even if you never say a word. So infidelity can certainly happen without any sexual intercourse having taken place.

8. Myth: A marriage can never fully recover after an affair

Fact: Forgiveness, restoration and happiness are possible after an affair

As mentioned in the second point above, reconciliation is possible after an affair when the erring partner is truly sorry for having had the affair and determines to live in faithfulness to their spouse once again. The offended spouse also needs to be willing to fully forgive and move forward. It may take a while, and both spouses would need to persevere and work on their marriage.  Going for therapy and counselling is highly recommended as it is necessary to learn new ways of relating to one another. Although the marriage would have taken a hard knock, it is certainly possible over time to experience a full recovery and to know genuine intimacy and happiness in your marriage, even after there has been cheating in the past.

Now that you have had a look at some of these myths and realities about extra-marital affairs, you and your partner can be more aware as you seek to guard your hearts and do whatever it takes to stay faithful, preserving and cherishing the intimacy in your marriage.

Author Bio:- Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.