1. All Articles
Eight Questions You Must Ask Before Accepting A Marriage Proposal
Oct
“If you do not deal with a problem before marriage, it will affect you when you’re married,”
Robert Scuka
Getting married to someone you love and living happily is one of the best opportunities life could offer to anyone. When you are in a good marriage everything seems to work for you and the happiness you feel inside can’t be estimated. I don’t need to tell you how it feels to be in a bad marriage because if you aren’t in one then you probably might have grown up in a home with parents who lived as cat and rat.
Love isn’t the only thing to consider before you say: “I do”. When it comes to marriage, what you do not know can hurt you so there are many questions you must find answers to in order to predict the future of the union. Over the years, couples who failed to ask themselves some difficult questions that can help in building the foundation of the marriage ended up having conflicts.
So, in this article, we shall look at some questions every couple should discuss and find answers to before accepting to spend the rest of their lives together.
- How do you define monogamy?
In this era where infidelity is common, you must find out your partner’s perception of faithfulness? Does he/she think it is cool to get involved in a physical or emotional affair while married? Does he/she think that online sex (chats, camera videos, messages) is fine? Is it okay to send a message to an attractive guy or woman you do not know on Instagram ‘just to be friends’? You need to know if both of you have the same definition of monogamy.
- Do you want children? If yes, when?
A lady came to me the other day and was complaining of how fed up she was with her marriage that was barely 6 months old. When I asked her what the issue was she narrated that her husband said he didn’t need a baby and he really meant it. Meanwhile, she was already in her thirties and longing to become a mother.
You see not everyone is ready to become a parent so you must find out if your partner would love to have a child before accepting their marriage proposal. Ask questions like: how many kids would you love to have? When can we start having kids? What would be your role in the child upbringing?
According to Marty Klein, a sexual and marriage therapist, the couple should talk about contraceptive methods before planning a pregnancy.
- How important is sex to you?
Sex is an important part of a relationship so it should be carefully discussed. Most people expect their partners to sexually excite them for a prolonged period. They would also like their partners to know what really trills them while on the bed.
Find out what your partner thinks about different sex styles and his/her general sexual expectations. Would he like to have a threesome? Is she okay with anal penetration? In situations where there are clashing sexual desires then you can either reach on an agreement or part ways to avoid conflicts in the future.
- How important is your religion?
Couples are more likely to experience conflicts due to religious traditions. If two people have different religions, will each person abandon his/her religion and follow that of the other? What religion would their kids be introduced to?
To avoid conflicts in marriage the couple must be honest with each other and reach an agreement on how to handle their religious differences. If these differences are not sorted then it might lead to the break of the marriage in the future.
- How can we handle financial issues?
It’s important to know how your partner feels about financial self-sufficiency and if he expects the resources to be handled separately. Ask questions about earnings, bills payments, savings, and debts. Does he/she have any pending debt? Would he/she assist you to pay your debts? In cases of joints accounts, would he/she withdraw money without your permission? Discussing finance management is very crucial so do not neglect it.
- What are your dreams and goals?
Do you know what excites and ignites a spark in the heart of your partner? Have you asked of his purpose, goals, and dreams? You can ask questions like;
“If I had the power to grant all your wishes, what would you wish for?”
“Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?”
“Do you have plans of building an empire with me?”
Knowing the answers to these questions can help you encourage your partner to participate in activities that will help him achieve his dreams. Also, being curious about your partner’s dreams is also a way to show that you care.
- How do you handle stress?
People deal with stress in different ways. Some persons love to spend time alone when they are stressed and that’s fine. But there should be a balance to that because, the moment a partner starts feeling locked out from the other, conflicts might arise.
There is another set that handles stress by acting furious and transferring aggression to everyone around them. So, you must find out how your partner behaves to enable you to cope whenever the need arises.
- What do you think about privacy and independence?
Couples may also have different expectations as to what “privacy” means so this topic should be discussed too. Find out if password restrictions are allowed in some aspects of the relationship.
Also, find out if your partner would love to maintain some independence or not. I guess you wouldn’t want to have someone who becomes emotionally dependent on you and wouldn’t do anything without your consent.
Just imagine having a partner who becomes unhappy each time you are off to work. Someone who wants to spend every single second with you so each time you request to hang out with your friends, she is like “Please don’t go.” Instead of acting like a mature adult she acts like a newborn baby who is always attached to the mother. Oh! Having such a partner would be very boring. I think despite being married maintaining some personal space and some level of independence is very necessary.
