How my fathers infidelity effected my life

The 8 Most Important Things I Learned From My Father’s Infidelity

I remember objects flying and my leg throbbing as my mother sobbed and yelled in pain after approaching my father about his infidelity.

Granted, I didn’t know what infidelity meant at the time, as I was only five. But I did know my leg was sore and broken, in a cast from a playground accident, and I was beyond ready to go to bed.

But they seemed to forget I was even in the room as the accusations, lies, emotions, and objects flew around the room.

As I crawled up the staircase to bed, I knew that whatever a “cheating, lying ass bastard” was, I never wanted to be it, because my mother clearly did not like those types of people.

In retrospect, I realized that night was the beginning of a crossroads for my mother, dealing with my father’s infidelity and the physical and emotional repercussions that followed it. The vivid memory of that night and the nights thereafter taught me many lessons about love, life, and relationships:

I am in control of my life; someone else’s actions don’t impact my destiny.

I think that many women, like my mother, felt broken and abandoned after being cheated on. While those feelings are natural, I came to realize that life can move on past heartbreak and adversity if you remember that you have purpose and worth, and there are plenty who value you in spite of those who disrepect and don’t appreciate you.

I am loved and supported; a significant other can only add to that support system.

Family and friends are important to the sanctity and sanity of all living human beings. I learned that just because an intimate and emotional relationship with one person fails, that isn’t reflective of the foundation of the rest of my relationships- having a solid support system of friends and family can provide life, comfort, and guidance just as well as an intimate one.

I love and value myself, my morals, and integrity; those I associate with must do the same.

In addition to my father’s love for women besides his wife, he also had issues with drugs and alcohol. Despite my mother’s pleas for him to get sober, he continued to disrespect her and ignore her wishes. That taught me to stand by morals and beliefs, and demand that others respect my wishes.

I am enough; if someone doesn’t want to be a part of my life, that is OK.

If someone chooses to leave and walk out of my life without fight or reason, that is perfectly fine. It’s never a reflection of what you didn’t do well enough, and it’s not a sign of failure.

You can’t change the past, but you have the power to to influence the future.

Taking a past relationship as a learning experience and not as a failure is pertinent to being able to determine what it is you truly want to get from your relationships with others. Setting expectations, boundaries, and goals in relationships going forward helps to be able to very clearly communicate to your partner what you want from your relationship.

Transparency and communication is key in relationships.

One major element of cheating and why it’s so detrimental to relationships is the fact that a bunch of secrecy and undermining is involved. Being open and honest about feelings with your partner may prevent such pain, even if  it means telling them when you’re no longer happy in the relationship, or want out. It’s better to be upfront and honest than to harbor feelings and do sneaky things trying comfort yourself.

No matter how long you know someone, people can change.

“I guess I didn’t know them like I thought,” is often times a quote from those who’ve been cheated on, and it’s totally false. Situations arise, feelings can change, and therefore people change and adapt to situations at hand. You can know someone for decades and then they can turn around and do something you’d never expect them too … Or even something they themselves never thought they would do.

Life. Moves. On.

Even after something detrimental may happen to you, the world continues to turn and life continues to progress. While it may be hard to fathom, every day you awake is a day to make progress and change. You do not stop existing just because some adversity happened in your life. Each day that you get the opportunity to wake up and start anew is a day to take full of advantage of by living to the fullest.