My forgiveness and love was not wanted

Dead Love
He now has others in the spot where I used to fit
My head upon his chest cuddled in a Godly submit
Long ago he gave his emotions away
Then his body followed for a lifestyle to stray
The times he fulfilled his needs apart from me
So many women who cared not he was a we
Was it his lies that took them to the affairs
Or simply it did not matter they did not care
Was there ever a thought of the trauma to my life
How their actions would destroy my world as his wife
He cried tears for one he said was his lost love
Never stopping the countless betrayals to dispose of
Lying, hiding, secretes, fighting for fulfillment of lust
Comparing me to others till his eyes saw me as disgust
My forgiveness and love was not wanted nor needed
The life I gave him disregarded and unheeded
Watching his torment and seeing his pain
He did not care how on my life it left a stain
The questions I ask of my worth
What about me was not good enough
Are they all more beautiful and smart
They gave their bodies but what of their soul and hearts
Did he feel the same love for them as he said for me
For them he fought to keep I unwanted he cast into the sea
I devoted my life to my husband and children
Sacrificially giving with joy and never feeling a burden
His dreams I wanted him to find
Laying aside mine so he would have peace of mind
The devastation of discovery his false love brought
My mind could not comprehend with my heart fought
Smearing me to others how I was holding him back
Never seeing how much in the gaps I took up his slack
Now the pain and tears never seem to end
My faith is all I have left as my only friend
Each day I converse with God and ask why
How can someone say I love you then goodbye
What is a love that harbors bitterness and regret
Un-forgiveness, anger to so easily replace and forget
When he holds another do I even cross his mind
Are there remembrances of my devotion and time
As he kiss and caresses each one the way he used to me
Does my face with the love I gave in a vision he see
Can he remember how I gave myself completely
Believing in him and trusting him so deeply
He used my love forgiveness and faith to so easily deceive
Never caring of the carnage left of his actions to aggrieve
A life with me would be seeking righteousness
Following God in all faithfulness
He has the life of what he feels makes him happy now
Apart from me with others not having to take a vow
Having all the adventure and fun he wanted in his life
Money power control the kind of sex not done by his wife
The lifetime mark he left for me to always remember with an STD
Fear isolation foolish humiliation his vengeance upon me he is well pleased
Alone I now sit with emotions to compose
Seeking understanding in my verses of prose
His hardened heart knows not of contrite
Only his wants are pursued regardless of my plight
The loss of dreams a marriage a home
Struggling now to pay for food and hold on
What do I now do with this shattered heart and unwanted love
Is this the same question to us from God above
I forgave and forgave again and again to no avail
His only determination was to make my heart frail
The more I tried to love and do as God instructs
He found new and more ways to ensure our destruct
My solace is God’s understanding pain of brokenness and perfidy
The soul crying out as it is beaten unmercifully
God’s love is always there even if one spends eternity in hell
So I will forever be locking away my dreams in a cell
Grace and forgiveness come with the deep sorrows of our sin
I too need an assurance real repentance comes from within
He has chosen a path to not let this be allowed
Keeping close the needed support of a like-minded crowd
Will he one day think alone as he lay on his death bed
He rejected a forgiving love through
God for a life to be dead

Juana Ann Morgan

From Tuscaloosa, Alabama, USA.

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