How can I forgive and live with the man that deceived me

My marriage is over. There is nothing to salvage when your spouse carries on a second life and deceives you every second for 12 years
I don’t want that coward. I have absolutely no respect for him
She texted him a Goodbye, thank you for the memories message
The cowards stole every and any memory I had for the past 11 years.

It took the two of them to have this affair.

How can they both carry on behind my back and neither one see anything wrong with it like they both have said

How can I ever love him again after what he promised me 10 years ago

Why should he have a normal life now

Why should he think his life will be fine and dandy

Why shouldn’t he be punished for what he’s done to me

He said he deserves the punishment

How do I ever forgive him for this crime

I’m sitting here in car crying trying to collect myself so I can go into work

Frequently I just want to call it quits

Why did this happen to me

I’ve never harmed anyone, never.

I hate what he had put me through. The man I chose and loved unconditionally despite all odds

I know I’m rambling on and on it’s just at times so paralyzing

I actually get so disgusted of myself anytime I see a picture of myself

Can one hate them self so much?

I honestly do. I hate myself so much

I hate myself. I hate me

I hate this fucked up worthless stupid disgusting me. I hate myself

It’s 9pm and I must go in and put on this normal professional face

I feel trapped, taken advantage of, used, abused, taken for a ride. I feel there was a big hush hush conspiracy going on while I least expected it ” a coup of me and my feelings” if that makes any sense…

It would be very difficult to start a new life after 20 years, kids, home, work and that’s why I feel trapped, I can’t go anywhere. The ball was and is in his court.Why was I not given a chance to try to meet his emotional needs….

He never voiced it, he never said, hinted, or acted that he was unhappy in this.

After all I’ve done for him.

After all Ive done in this marriage.

This is what he does
And what needs are his lowlife friends missing.

They and him are just lowlife predators who need to prove their manhood to themselves, to satisfy their ego.

That’s what I think anyway
He said that almost ALL men have relations outside marriage

I had asked to give me example of who
He said he cant tell me who is not having an affair.

How do you forget, forgive, or ever be happy when the man you married was unfaithful to you for such a long time
What does he want from me.

Don’t mind my ranting

Withheld

– New York, USA