How to Cope with an Emotionally Abusive Spouse

According to the Surviving Abuse Website, emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence that centers around hurting a person with words instead of physically harming them. Its effects can be as harmful as a physical abuse.

According to a study done in 2010, one in every seven American women has been emotionally abused in their relationship. Trying to deal with a husband who verbally and emotionally abuses you can be very difficult because abusers create a fair playing field so they can be in control.

Emotional abusers suffer from personality disorders, including borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder.

People often reproduce their childhood experiences without being aware of it. A child who grew up in a home where one of his parents was emotionally and physically abusive to the other, is likely to replay such attitude when he becomes an adult.

Others turn into abusers after going through bad experiences such as losing a loved one, being abandoned, and facing disappointments. The tactics used by abusers include intimidation, humiliation, coercion, and isolation.

If you have confirmed that you are married to an emotionally abusive partner, then you need to encourage the individual to go for a therapy that would help him change his attitude.

If the individual is unwilling to change then you would just have to learn how to cope and protect yourself from his emotional torture.

 Tips for Coping with an Emotionally Abusive Spouse

Accept that you are a victim:

The first step in dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship is to accept that you are a victim. Don’t try to pretend you are fine when your emotions are being hurt daily. Yes! Accept that you are being manipulated and think of possible ways of making a change.

Understand the abuser:

Most abusers are insecure, anxious, stressed and depressed. Understanding your partner’s situation would give you an insight on how to cope with him. If he’s suffering from insecurity you can constantly reassure him of your love.

If you can handle the abuser in a neutral way then you might just discover something positive about the individual.

Take care of yourself:

An emotionally abusive partner would always expect you to do everything to please him. He would also not care about the consequences of your sacrifices……so even your last blood might be needed.

The only one who can take good care of you is you. Don’t be foolish enough to take unhealthy steps just to please someone else.

For example, a lady was instructed by her husband not to have dinner nor sleep until whenever he returns from work.  Meanwhile, not like he was some responsible husband who would return home immediately after work. After closing from work at 6 pm he would perambulate different bars before returning home late in the night.

The submissive wife was keeping to his “no dinner, no sleep” rule. Then one day, after she got home from work and prepared the meals, she decided to eat and sleep. When her husband got back, he was so furious that she disobeyed him and guess what he did? He poured her a jar of cold water.

I think if she had rejected that condition on the very first day he brought it up, he wouldn’t have had the gut to punish her for defaulting. Don’t give anyone the opportunity to mistreat you. Take care of your needs and make your physical and mental health a priority.

Set boundaries:

When your partner starts yelling, insulting and calling you names, you should calmly tell him to stop. You deserve some respect for goodness sake. If he continues, one thing you shouldn’t do is to start insulting him too. Just walk away. He should only speak to you when he is ready to speak respectfully.

Prepare a safety plan:

Even if your partner hasn’t been physically abusive, there is every tendency that he might become physically violent one day.

You should have a phone with you at all times so you can call trusted friends or emergency assistance if the need arises.

Build a support network:

If you have an abusive partner, you can share your experiences with a family member or even a counselor. Don’t keep quiet about it.

Don’t allow your partner to restrict your interaction with others. Make out time and hang out with loved ones who will make you laugh and forget your sorrows.

Take a walk:

Just like everyone else, you also have emotions that shouldn’t be toiled with. You also deserve to be loved and respected.  If the abuser decides not to change his behavior, you can decide to take a walk.  Although, walking away might not be easy as he might not let you go. The moment he finds out that you wish to leave he might take drastic action. He could inflict injury on you or himself so you must be careful. You can contact law enforcement if, at any time, you perceive that you or someone else is in danger.