How To Cope With The Cheating Husband

I watched a movie where a lady was engaged to a casanova. While the wedding preparations were ongoing her girlfriend asked her a question.

“Sussy, are you sure you can live happily with Mark? It’s no news that Mark goes after everything in skirts so what if he doesn’t change from his flirtatious ways even after getting married to you?”

With a weak smile she said:

“I know he’s a cheat and pray that he changes his ways after we get married. But if he doesn’t then I would have no option but to shut my eyes to his infidelity.”

Did I hear that statement correctly? Like how many of us are willing to overlook our partner’s infidelity? For most of us, it’s a real nightmare … But are there individuals who would choose to live happily with a partner who cheats often? Am not talking about an accidental cheat because I know anyone can make mistakes.

Yes! There are many individuals who willfully accept to spend their lives with an unfaithful spouse. The society considers such individuals as the weaker spouse but I must say that accepting to love an unfaithful spouse requires a lot of strength and courage. It also requires a good dose of self-esteem so when those negative thoughts such as:

“You aren’t good enough that is why your partner is always chasing someone else”
“You are ugly and old so he prefers younger ones”

Hell No! You aren’t going to believe those voices trying to make you feel lesser about yourself. I know you are strong and beautiful and you should know you aren’t responsible for your spouse’s constant infidelity.

I got talking to some women who live and cope with a cheating spouse. I needed to know how they felt about it and these are some of the responses I got.

Nicole, 38 years old, cartographer, she has been married for ten years to an unfaithful spouse.

“When we have sisters, we are used to sharing everything with them”

“Ferdinand always cheated on me, and I knew it … Initially, his unfaithfulness did hurt. I would spend hours going through his stuffs just so I could find evidence and of course I found many evidences.
It got to a point that I decided that I won’t let his infidelity hurt me any longer. I accepted to happily share my man with his mistresses. It was easy for me to adopt this new way of life because when you have sisters, like me, you would be used to sharing everything you have, including your man, with them . I saw his mistresses as my sisters so that was how I was able to cope.

My husband cheated with his colleagues, the girl next door, our maid, the grocery seller, his ex, and many others. Two or three times, he confessed then I thought that his relationship was over. But did he really change his ways? Not at all. He only just let me know.

Confessing to me was paradoxically a proof of complicity and love. Otherwise he would have left me. He told me that although he cheats, I would still remain his legal wife and his number one favorite. So, he would always come back to me.”

Really? He would always return to her. But I was thinking, what if one day he goes out to a new mistress and decides not to return? Would the time spent tolerating him still be considered worthy?

Clara, 40, actress, she shared her hubby with his mistress for 5 years.

“Instead of fighting with my husband’s mistress, I became friends with her.”

“After weeks of despair and hatred, I became a girlfriend to my husband’s mistress, Bernice. I knew her because we belonged to the same social club. On discovery, I reacted like everyone else, between tears and anger. I even thought about taking revenge: get a lover too and have fun.

At that time, I was so confused because the more I tried to get her out of his life, the longer she stayed. So, I decided to make friends with her and learnt to be a step ahead of her. Thanks to her, I knew when it became urgent to change my hairstyle, to send gift cards to my hubby, to kiss him every day and tell him how much I love him, and I also learnt not to always hang out at home in joggings.

Overtime I learnt that mistresses, in fact, are entitled to only one side of their man, which is the role of being a lover. So, I convinced myself that I had the best of him: almost all the cake.
I was so happy when recently he announced that it was over with her. She was getting married and moving to another city. In my head I screamed “I have won”. Too bad for my “girlfriend” … But I know it will start again, I’m sure. Maybe not with her but someone else. Most men just cheat for adventure.”

What do you think about living with an unfaithful spouse?

One of the reasons why most people tolerate a cheating spouse is because of the impact a broken home would have on the kids. But at the same time, we won’t neglect the fact that the faithful partner stands the risk of getting infected by the cheating spouse. Coupled with all other drama that comes with infidelity.

When I was a child, my dad often cheated on my mum. She fought with him severally because of it but when fighting couldn’t solve it she decided to keep calm. Outwardly, all we saw was a calm woman but deep inside she was dying in depression and bitterness. As my dad got older, like late forties, he decided to change his ways.  So the couple started the journey to affair recovery.

Living with a serial cheat is often very difficult but sometimes love, patience, treatment and prayers can make him/her turn into a new leaf.

Thank you for reading and please leave a comment on the possible ways of coping with a constantly unfaithful spouse..