How to handle your relationship after you’ve been caught cheating

The act of cheating in marriage is a common trend as over 80% of adults grew up in homes where their parents cheated on their spouses. Have you ever wondered why most people can’t be faithful? The reasons are numerous.

Man is an insatiable being and to complement this, he was given the ability to control his desires. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to practice discipline and contentment.

Have you ever been tempted to cheat on your partner? If yes, did you succumb? Being in love with your partner doesn’t make you immune to infidelity. Do you know why? Your heart is very emotional and can develop feelings for strangers. So what matters is how you would handle those feelings when they sprout.

Jennifer Brown, 30

“I did not become unfaithful by chance. A year after we started dating, my guy went to live abroad, we saw each other every two or three months. I managed to stay a year without having him close. As a young lady, there were many guys who wanted to get down with me. I think I was also interested so it became difficult not to succumb to the temptation.

One day, I said yes to a guy I met. That was the starting point of my chronic infidelity. The situation excited me right away. This man was aware of my situation, he was single, we agreed on the same point: just to get laid. The principle was “whenever you want it, just call on me”. Suddenly, I was sexually active again. I felt wanted. After two months, he met someone else and called off the relationship.

I started looking for a new lover or maybe a sex partner since I couldn’t live with my guy who was far away. I found many available guys. We slept in unusual places; some took me to hotels and others to their apartment. I was overwhelmed with the excitement of having good sex without commitment. Once, one of my lovers fell in love with me, but I wasn’t interested because I loved my guy who was far away.”

Marie deceived James two years ago with one of her ex. After a year of therapy, they thought they had snapped out of it but in reality, Marie felt like “paying every day” for what she did. “He said he’s forgiven me but he searches my pockets and stuffs each time he has the chance. Also, whenever we have an argument he puts the subject back on the table, which ends the conversation.”

It is obvious that nothing can be more serious than that. It’s hell every day as your partner constantly reminds you of your unfaithfulness. Nevertheless, Marie and James have remained together.

Melina Jack, 28

“I cheated on the man who loved me more than his life and that was my biggest mistake. My ex-husband had traveled for a three day business trip. On the second day of his absence, while I was making out with a guy from my church, he returned and caught us naked. He shot the guy but his love for me held him from shooting me. Meanwhile, that wasn’t the first time I cheated and was forgiven. After he got back from detention, he packed his luggage and left the house and the next time I heard from him was when he sent the divorce papers. I miss him greatly but it’s too late as he has already found another love. ”

During your daily interaction you will meet people who would treat you nicely and you might just find yourself falling in love with them. Let’s assume you cheated because you weren’t strong enough to resist the temptation, and your spouse caught you. How do you get your spouse to forgive your infidelity? How do you avoid reoccurrence? The following tips will help you out.

Be patient:

After the discovery of your infidelity, your partner would expect apologies which wouldn’t guarantee forgiveness. After apologizing, you would need to be patient with your spouse until the storm passes. Your spouse would ask you many questions which you must provide clear answers to.  If you are truly repentant, your spouse would expect a reassurance of your love and faithfulness.

Be neutral to threats of revenge:

The anger caused by a betrayal makes an individual to scream and make threats of revenge. When your spouse starts screaming at you, don’t react, just keep calm and accept the crucifixion after all you are guilty as charged. If you were in same shoes I believe you would react in the same manner.

You can even say “I know you are saying all these because you are angry and disappointed. I’m very sorry that I failed you but please do not torment me for so long. Please forgive my mistake. I promise not to do it again.”

Get over the guilt:

After cheating on your partner, avoid overwhelming yourself with the guilt of your mistake. Yes!  You made a mistake which you have realized so getting choked up in guilt wouldn’t change what has happened. A guilty conscience can propel an individual into committing suicide so avoid it. You should forgive yourself before your partner forgives you.

Refuse to say and prove everything:

Infidelity leads to the loss of trust and to restore it the betrayed spouse might be so demanding. She might want to get all the details of the infidelity. You owe her an explanation but keep some details to yourself. I guess you wouldn’t tell her all the negative things you told your lover about her.

While trying to prove your repentance, your partner might want to control your life and daily activities by deciding who you should or shouldn’t talk to, where you should or shouldn’t go, accessing your phones, mails, etc.  According to her, being in control of your activities would help her in restoring the trust. I don’t think it is ideal to let yourself become your partner’s slave because of your mistake.  If she’s not going to forgive and trust you again without demanding for your slavery, then let her be.