WHAT IS CHEATING?
How do you decide if cheating is cheating or if temptation is cheating? This is a hard question to answer as everyone has different feelings and opinions towards cheating.
For women, kissing and sex is more of an emotional experience rather than a physical experience, whereas for men it is the opposite. Therefore, a kiss maybe a big deal to a wife, where the husband may not understand what all the hype is about. So from the beginning, men and women are going to have different views on what cheating actually is.
Any kind of a bodily fluid exchange between two people should automatically be classed as cheating.
A kiss is something very passionate and emotional, and something that two people share that confirms their feelings for each other. A kiss is also what usually leads to sex. A kiss is more forgivable than sex because they held back from going any further.
If it didn’t go any further than a kiss, why is that? Was it because they stopped on their own account, or because they felt guilty because they knew what they were doing was wrong?
Sometimes a guilty kiss can confirm for a cheater that they truly do love their partner and don’t want to have a lover. Or were they caught, so obviously couldn’t go any further, but would they have if they hadn’t been caught?
A kiss isn’t quite as harmful as sex, depending on what the circumstances are. The most common cheating kiss is a drunken kiss. Alcohol is a drug that makes people less responsive and clouds their judgment.
When someone is in a relationship they may like to have a little attention from the opposite sex to boost their self-esteem, and it makes them feel like they are still attractive and haven’t become just another half in a relationship. It may start of as a harmless boost to an otherwise sagging self-esteem. Fuelled by alcohol, a little harmless flirting can quickly turn into a naughty kiss before they realize what is even going on.
Now on the other hand, sex is definitely cheating. There is no way anyone can accidentally have sex and if they try to tell you otherwise they are an idiot. As quick as some people manage to have sex there is always the planning time beforehand that allows time to think about what they are about to do.
If your partner is out in public and meets someone they want to have sex with there will be time to discuss where they are going to go to have sex. Whether it is outside somewhere, a motel or hotel, or back to one of their houses, the traveling time is time enough to realize the wider implications of what they are doing.
Even worse is when it is planned with their lover to meet somewhere and there is even more time to think about it. No matter how drunk a person was, this is no excuse. They will still realize what they are doing is wrong.
If your partner is constantly hanging out with someone this doesn’t necessarily mean they are cheating. It may point towards the potential of cheating, but your poof of your partner’s infidelity may be unfounded or inconclusive. There may be the intention to cheat, but it may not have actually happened yet.
You need to approach this situation delicately. This isn’t cheating, but you should make your feelings clear that you are unhappy with the situation. Don’t forbid them from seeing this other person altogether otherwise they will feel controlled.
Your partner may tell you they are worried because they are having feelings toward someone else. Don’t treat them like a cheater. They have come to you and told you because they need you to know. Talk to them. At least they know it is wrong and respect you enough to tell you. They realize that they love you and don’t want to go any further because if they did they wouldn’t have told you.
Don’t scream and shout, they came to you because they trust you and feel your relationship is strong enough to fix the problem. Otherwise they may not come to you next time. When you talk about it, ask all the questions you want to. Make it clear how you feel and that if your partner really wants to save your relationship they should make an effort to spend less time with the person they have feelings for.
This is not cheating but if you don’t do anything about it then it may turn into something more.
WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?
Trust and communication are one of the most important qualities in a relationship, and without either of these qualities a relationship cannot truly work. If one partner is feeling that their partner is cheating, the trust has been broken. Subsequently, this loss of trust can have an adverse affect on communication.
Whether a partner is or isn’t having an affair, the problem has to be fixed to the point that both partners feel 100% happy and trustful in the relationship. If one partner is only 95% happy and trusting then the problem is still there and given time will only become more of a problem.
When you are in a relationship with a person the last thing you want to find out is that they are having or have had an affair. But worse than this is the feeling of not knowing for sure. You may have a gut instinct that they are cheating but until it has been proven with solid evidence or they have admitted to having an affair, you never really know.
Just think, you have a gut instinct for a reason. The difference in your partners behavior, lack of time they are spending at home these days, it doesn’t come from nowhere. There are reasons why you need to find out if your partner is cheating. On the other hand if your partner isn’t, then you need to know so that you can trust them again.
Finding out is the first step to your future, with your partner or on your own. All problems need to be solved, not swept under the mat. The sooner a problem gets resolved the easier it is to move on.
If a problem gets swept under the mat, it doesn’t go away. The lingering fear and doubt still remains, and in many cases more damage is done. When it comes time to resolving it, the thought of tackling such a painful and insurmountable issue may be too much for some people. That’s why it’s better to get the truth and dispel the doubts as soon as possible.
One of the most important reasons you have to find out if your partner is cheating or not is to know what your future holds. Do you stay together or not? This is also one of the main reasons why partners don’t try to find out. They are scared of facing the future without a partner so they prefer to turn a blind eye that face up to the reality of infidelity.
It may not seem like it at the time, but it is better to know and deal with the consequences than turn a blind eye. You may be able to fool others, but you can’t fool yourself. If you plan to stay together and build on your relationship there may be hard times that a counselor may need to help with.
If you separate, it sounds harsh but at least you are better off without the hurt and distrust in your life. Once you are gone, your partner will also realize what they have lost which is punishment enough. As hard as it may be, and trust me it will, you will need to focus solely on your own happiness. Your life can truly begin now.
When a cheating partner is questioned by their partner if they are cheating, of course they are going to deny it because the consequences of their honesty could spell the end of the relationship. In most cases, that’s not what they want. A cheater most often wants the familiarity and security of a relationship, but also wants to retain the spice and exhilaration of an affair. Why give up one when you can have both?
The lying and deception serves a purpose, and protects you from the truth and protects them from the consequences of the affair
Having a cheating partner can also affect your personality and they way you react and feel towards others. It lowers you self-confidence, lowers the belief you once had in yourself, makes you anxious, stops you from trusting others, even your friends. By someone cheating on you it makes you feel like you are not enough for them and that they could do better. The irony is that the more your fears get the better of you and darken your mood, the more your fears become a reality.
If one partner knows their partner is cheating (even if they can’t prove it) then every time their partner goes out they will ask them a million and one questions like “Where you going? Who with? How long?” You become the person you hate: the needy, clingy, insecure partner who has less self esteem and personal power than the one you love.
Rather than being their equal, your self esteem pushes you further and further down, and can pushes your loved one further away.
When there are children involved either from your relationship or previous relationships, cheating definitely can’t be tolerated. Adults sometimes think children are young and naïve, but they can see and sense a lot more than you may think. There minds are a blank canvas. If they hear mum and dad accusing each other or see infidelities in their marriage, they may grow up thinking this is the norm. Further down the track these children may start to accuse their own partners, and maybe even cheat on them because they mould their relationships around those that influenced them in their childhood.
A denying partner has to be found out, so if you are sure your partner is cheating you have to go to any lengths you can to prove this. It will show both yourself and your partner that you are not silly. Knowing the truth can set you free from your torment, and you can focus on the next step, which may involve fixing the relationship or ending it.
It is just as important to prove your partners innocence that they aren’t cheating. A lack of trust can ruin any relationship, as can hollow accusations and jealousy. Accusing an innocent partner of cheating can be just as harmful, sometimes more, to a relationship than if your partner is actually cheating.
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