Is Reconciliation Possible After an Infidelity? Find Answers Here

Is it possible to heal after an infidelity? Can a broken marriage still be fixed? We shall find out from the painful but hopeful story of Gary and Mona.

GARY’S STORY

Walking the hallway of the house that night was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my entire life. I knew that this could be the end of everything that mattered to me: family, friends, work, etc… I sat on the bed next to my wife, looked up, and said: “How was your meeting?” She could not help it so she started crying again. She had just spent the last two hours in our pastor’s office, confessing a secret I had hidden for the past three years.

“You’re scaring me,” Mona said.

I hugged her then whispered my terrible confession: “I know I have betrayed you; I have been unfaithful to you but please forgive me.”  I felt my wife stiffen and get away from me. She cringed before my eyes, and I thought she would faint.

Why did this happen to us? We had a good marriage and three children that we loved deeply. But the hustle and bustle of life took us away little by little. That’s how a friendship with a co-worker went out of control. It started with an innocent touch, then a romance, and one day it became a week, then a month and then three years.

As this went on, I knew I couldn’t continue living a double life. I had to fix my relationship with God and, if possible, with my wife. I was dying inside. Oh God! What have I done? I knew that I had torn the heart of the woman I loved, who had been with me for 20 years.

 MONA’S STORY:

I looked at Gary’s face and saw that something tragic had happened. While he confessed his betrayal, I felt as if it was a stranger that sat on our bed and was talking to me. I just couldn’t believe it was my Gary. Why did he cheat on me? Was I not good enough for him? Oh no! It was so heartbreaking.

Deep inside of me, I knew life would never be the same. I knew I was never going to see him as the Gary I fell in love with and married. I got enveloped with fear and pain. It was hard for me to breathe.

I asked Gary if he wanted a divorce. He told me he wanted to see if we could heal.  I wasn’t even sure I could survive it.  I couldn’t believe that I was deceived for three years and throughout those years I had no suspicion. How exactly was he able to cover it all? Maybe it was because I had full trust in him.

Gary was not good at lying; I always thought I would know if he did. My friends thought he was a wonderful spouse since he washed the dishes and clothes and even changed diapers. We were friends; We could talk about anything. Of course, we had had our bad times in two decades of marriage, but nothing that we could not overcome.

“Had I been such a bad wife?” I asked myself. I felt signs of anger. I had nausea. I spent the rest of that night crying, and I couldn’t bear the pain as it penetrated every inch of my being. I felt more alone than ever.

From that night on, there was a new calendar in my life: before, during and after his infidelity. After the confession, while Gary’s burden of guilt was eased, I felt like a heavy weight was placed on me.

GARY’S RESTORATION 

When we got married, we knew that our marriage would work since we were good friends who loved and respected each other. Five years later, Mona graduated as a nurse, I started my own company and we had our first child. A few years later we both became Christians. Now we had one more link that would keep us firmly united.

After 20 years of marriage, we were both very active in the work of the church. But apart from our busy schedules, we had to raise three boys, which was proving much more difficult than we had imagined, and we rarely had enough time for ourselves. We were trapped in the daily routine and gradually, we were drifting from each other.

Those first weeks after my confession was a blurry time. Mona, who had previously been a model of strength, could barely get out of bed. She barely had enough energy to fulfill her shift in the hospital.

But, except for my guilt and the pain of seeing my wife suffer, I was experiencing freedom after a very long time. I immediately stopped working with that other woman and cut off all contact.

My biggest challenge was answering all of Mona’s question. I needed to clarify everything and wait patiently for her to fully understand and deal with the truth. I watched her go through pains and wished I would heal her heart as quickly as possible.

MONA’S RESTORATION 

Only a few people in the church would have criticized me if I had left Gary, but I knew that getting divorced would not make the pain go away; I would have to go through the process of crying and healing, with or without him.

That night of the revelation was terribly painful but it also marked the beginning of our recovery. Not because any of us believed that we could heal, but because we felt we had nothing more to lose. The only thing we knew was that we wanted to obey God, no matter where that would take us.

So, we began to see a Christian counselor who believed that our marriage could be healed; although we felt it was impossible. What we really needed was to talk to another couple who had gone through infidelity and survived it.

We wanted to see real people who could honestly tell us that the pain of struggling with this deep emotional trauma was worth it. But our counselor could not find anyone who had the experience or qualities that we needed. So, we took one step at a time on an uphill road, which we did not even know it existed.

We talked a lot about my husband’s infidelity and about our marriage, and we soon realized that, although they were related, it was two different issues. Infidelity had been a unilateral decision of Gary, but we were both responsible for our marriage and we needed to understand why it had failed. We realized that we had never been truly honest with each other, and had allowed some issues to linger in our relationship. So we decided to be sincere and attentive to each other.

Although, there is no suitable excuse for infidelity. Gary could have discussed the issues with me instead of seeking consolation elsewhere. But now it was our opportunity to address those things that made us drift apart.

It Wasn’t Easy But it Was Worth it:

Ten months after we started our journey to recovery, I felt that the whole process was killing me little by little. In an emergency session, our counselor helped us clarify a problem caused by Gary’s response. For some reason, listening to his impartial voice beyond emotional chaos allowed us to see the real problem clearly and deal with it. We left his office with renewed hopes; although the fight was not over, I knew that I could move forward with the grace of God.

After persevering day after day, we began to see the progress we had made. We finally felt that restoration was possible. Our counselor called us two years later, and said;

“Do you remember that you once asked me if I knew of a couple who were able to heal and reconcile after an infidelity? Now, are you ready to be that exemplary couple?”

At that moment we realized we have really gone far in recovering from the incident. Yes! We were ready to be that couple who would share their infidelity experience to help other couples believe that a marriage can be restored after an infidelity.

An infidelity shouldn’t always lead to a divorce especially if the couple is still in love and willing to make the marriage work. In some cases, after forgiving the unfaithful partner, the betrayed partner might find it difficult to trust again. But in our case, we were able to rebuild the trust, love, respect, and the joy in our marriage was restored too.

Author:

Gary and Mona Shriver