Making a choice to show love and appreciation to your spouse

By Paul Brandt, LS, LCSW

Keeping any relationship fun is not an easy task – especially in Long Term Relationships. Read how some people step up to keeping fun in their relationships

Elizabeth-Justin Balinski

For the marriage– Every day write one note, from “I love you”, “you have sexy eyes”, “our honeymoon”, “how you bite your lip to concentrate” etc. It can be written on a post it or sticky note or even just a small clean piece of scrap paper. Then the fun… Put each one in a pocket or somewhere in their clean clothing. When they wear that pair of pants, or shirt, or coat they will at some point in their day find it. What a nice surprise?! And its takes a second to do, PLUS if you do it every day you get in on the suspense as you wonder which outfit they will wear that day, which note will they find, when might they find it? It is fantastic!

Elizabeth obviously has fun being a loving partner.

• It’s clear that Elizabeth chooses to focus her attention on what she enjoys about her husband and their relationship.  Love sometimes requires focus and attention to what we like and enjoy.  Obviously, this implies that there are things that are better ignored.  Several things are clear from Elizabeth’s suggestion.
• Elizabeth views love as something we do, and, something we do daily.  Love is not simply a state of being we fell into and will remain in “happily ever after”.
• Elizabeth adores her husband and lets him know in tangible ways–even if the tangible ways are simply words on pieces of paper.  She doesn’t just assume that he knows she loves him.  She literally spells it out.
• She mentions specific things about him that show that she pays attention to him and what some of the things are that she specifically enjoys about him.
• She chooses to remember happy times between them.  All couples have good and bad times that they can remember.  Couples who choose to remember the good times and express pleasure about the good times tend to create more good times and good feelings.
• Elizabeth gets pleasure and has fun wondering what loving message her husband will discover.

Whether she meant to or not, Elizabeth said that love is a choice.  It is a choice to focus attention on the positive about our spouses and our relationships, on what we adore and appreciate, and it is a choice to show that love and appreciation in ways that effectively convey it to our spouses.

Paul Brandt is a psychotherapist specializing in individual, couples and family therapy.  He has maintained a private practice in the Salt Lake City area for thirty years. To find out more CLICK HERE

More from Paul:

How Do We Keep Marriage Fun Around the Home?

Sexual chemistry keeps marriages alive and connected