From Betrayal to Recovery:

The 7 Step System to Infidelity Recovery

ASIA PACIFIC ALLIANCE OF COACHES NEWSLETTER
Volume 4 • Issue 9
JUL/AUG/SEP 2014
Fellowship  Magazine, THE COACHING VOICE OF ASIA PACIFIC

This month Savannah Ellis was featured in the APAC Newsletter, talking about the necessity of Infidelity Recovery Coaching model in affair recovery.

You want results with your clients. However, lets face the facts. Your clients don’t really care about your results. Your clients want results in their lives, for their own well-being.
When you see couples in distress, do you have the skills to help their relationship survive?
Statistically speaking, over 53% of marriages in the USA, will end in divorce(1). In Australia, the divorce rate is much lower at 43%(2). That statistic, though, does not even contemplate the number of unhappy, dysfunctional relationships, which do not end in formal divorce.
As a group of professionals dedicated to helping people live better lives, are we really succeeding with our clients?

Divorce is a societal issue. I have enough content and real life examples to fill several books, but for now let me share with you a specific system I have been using to help my clients succeed through the most challenging of all marital issues, an extra-martial affair.
One specific therapeutic style does not address all marital issues. As a psychologist, I have narrowed my style of counseling to assist couples with this most challenging marital issue of infidelity. In a study of 1083 people whose spouses had an affair, 57% found that working with a marriage therapist was not helpful. Only 20% of couples surveyed found counseling beneficial. (4)

By leaving the traditional medical models behind and experimenting in my clinic with a system I have refined for many years, I created what I call “The 7-Step Infidelity Recovery Model”. This program has resulted in great success. The system is so specific in its results, that I can now almost flawlessly predict which couples will survive the onslaught of infidelity and which couples will be better served by ending their marriage amicably in divorce.

To give a depth of meaning and fulfillment to my practice, I operate under my personal motto of “Saving the fabric of society, one relationship at a time.”

The system was tested at clinics in Las Vegas and Los Angeles in the USA. The model has proven to be a great success with the couples seeking my counseling. In 2011, the model was systemized and now has been made available for other therapists, relationship coaches, counselors, ministers, and helping professionals.(3)

Why does it work? Because a coach or therapist has a clear and identifiable path of treatment for each of the seven different types of affairs. The couple understands the plan of help and they commit to the journey they need undertake for recovering from an affair.

The coach and the couple specifically address each of the following steps of recovery:

The 7 Step Infidelity Recovery Program

1. Commitment
2. Affair Story
3. Personal Healing
4. Sex & Intimacy
5. Emotional Needs
6. Trust & Forgiveness
7. Prevention

The system has an after care system designed to help the coach follow up with the couple. Not only does this help the couple stay on the path to full recovery, it creates a unique and successful business model for the coach.

One of the key principles of the 7-Step System is the Monogamy Triangle. Helping people understand how to be faithful is important. For many clients who are unfaithful, they are highly concerned about why they struggle with monogamy. It is important for them to know that monogamy is a myth. This is where the coach can help the client set new personal goals around changing their beliefs and values.

So what are my three tips for relationship coaches who find themselves with a couple facing the challenge of a martial affair? Firstly, keep an open mind. Do not judge the unfaithful partner with your beliefs on what is right or wrong. Secondly, instill a sense of hope into the couple. The couple is coming to you looking for a light at the end of this dark tunnel. Third, if you do not have the skills to successfully assist them, then refer the couple to another coach or helping professional.. Knowing your limits and specific skills as a coach and not going beyond these serve our clients best.

SOURCE:
1. www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/marriage _ divorce _ tables.htm
2. www.unstats.un.org/
3. www.infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com
4. www.dearpeggy.com

Savannah Ellis is the Founder of the Infidelity Recovery Institute, Author of “Reboot Your Relationship,” and “I Cheated”, Speaker, Relationship Interventionist, and Infidelity Recovery Coach – Savannah has clinics in Las Vegas, Nevada & Santa Monica, California. Savannah teaches the Infidelity Recovery Method online & at various training locations in the USA and Australia. For more information please visit her website at www.infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com

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