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“My Wife Cheated On Me With Her Girlfriend” – Man Speaks
May
I’m 35 years old, I have been married for 10 years and we have a child. My wife is a very dynamic and happy woman and I love her so much. We had both agreed that whenever any one of us falls out of love, instead of cheating, he/she should tell the other so the issue can be sorted out amicably.
THE EMOTIONAL GAP
Everything was perfect during the first few years of our marriage then suddenly things started changing. My wife became distant from me. She paid less attention to my needs. We weren’t having sex often and when we did it was always on my initiative. On several occasions, she gave different excuses for not having sex with me. Gradually I learned to ignore her but for how long was I supposed to stay without sex? She had actually starved me for more than ten months.
On several occasions, I tried talking to her. I needed to find out what her problem was but when I reached her, I got no response. I was so confused. Could it be that she was cheating on me with another guy? That was my first suspicion. I have always known her to be less friendly. She kept no male friend and was always hanging out with her girlfriends. They were about three.
When I couldn’t find any clue pointing to infidelity, I decided to spice up the relationship again. I started sending her flowers while she was at work. I bought her gifts and took her on dates. I was also helping her with home chores. I did everything to please her. One day, after going out on a romantic date, I requested for sex and she accepted. But guess what? It would have been better if she had said no because during the whole process she was absent-minded. There was no passion, no emotion, everything was so boring.
I remember how I lay on the bed that night and cried my eyes out. Where exactly did I go wrong? What exactly had happened to my wife? Isn’t she the same person who was showcasing her sexual prowess during the early years of our marriage?
I wanted to talk to her family but I was so afraid. What would I tell them? Would I say she was cheating when I had no proof? I was just confused. Everything seemed like a difficult puzzle that I wished I could fix.
THE DISCOVERY
A day came, while I was preparing to go to work, she told me she wouldn’t be going to work that morning. She asked me to drop our daughter at school. So, while I was at the office, I remembered that I had left an important document at home. So, I waited until lunch break to go and get it.
When I got home that afternoon, everywhere was quiet. I looked around downstairs but I didn’t see her. So, I thought she probably had gone out. As I was climbing upstairs, I heard moaning sounds. They were coming from her room. I felt she was crying so I walked to her room and opened the door. Guess what I saw? I caught my wife with her girlfriend having sex. I couldn’t believe what my eyes saw. Why was I so blind to see that she was a bisexual? Even after spending more than 5 years together.
After the discovery, she told me she was sorry for causing me so much pain. She told me she knew she was gay while she was still a teenager but was so afraid to speak out because of her family background. When she got married she felt her feelings for women would die but that didn’t work.
The most painful part of it was when she said she loves me and wouldn’t want a divorce. She also wanted the whole incident to remain a secret and I could get a mistress to satisfy my sexual needs. I couldn’t believe that those words were coming out from the lips of the woman I loved so much. Deep inside, I was confused about what to do. Amongst all the options, I refused to get a divorce for the sake of our child. She was still very young and I didn’t want our marital issues to affect her negatively.
It’s been more than three years since we started on this new path and I must say it hasn’t really been easy but I have learned to cope. She keeps her girlfriend while I keep my mistress. In the past months, I have missed having a real marriage where true love exists and outsiders aren’t welcomed. I feel so sad when family and friends look at us and assume we are a happy couple without knowing that our marriage is one big lie. Someday, I hope to walk away from this marriage. I would look for true love and be happy again.
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If this was me, I would thank my wife for being honest, and I would be glad that she wants to stay together. I would be grateful for her offer of me having a mistress, but I don’t know that I would get one. I would continue to be romantic and kind and understandng and loving to my wife, and I would continue to treat her as my best friend, and I would be playful and funny and cheerful. I would give her space for her relationship with her girlfriend, and tell them both that I support their relationship and I’m glad they are happy.
I agree with both comments.
Since she has started this first get some proof of her Indiscretions . To be used if she has set you up. Get Your finances in order and then see a lawyer
Do what is best for your daughter, and get out of that dishonest relationship, NOW! Show her how to do the right thing by doing so yourself.
Sorry I have thought about this issue alot. It sounds like from your words, she is gay, not bisexual. She is using you as a shield from the oppressive societal views of her make up. It sounds like you are being duped to supporting her. Her offer of “you get a mistress” is not really an offering, its a way out for her. Here are the facts 1) she locked you in relation and starved you of love by not offering nor every planning to offer it. 2)she was not honest with you in that she could provide love and affection 3)she embarked on having a real relationship on her own where her needs were met without really caring (she might say she did, but she had no problem). 4)its not even the act of having sex with you over those 10 months. she did not love you in that way and you know it from her actions, lack of caresses, and intimacy. This is stealing, pure and simple. She stole and is stealing from you the opportunity to find your own love /affection/intimacy with someone who actually could love you the way you would love them. She locked you into this relationship and now its upon you to play the bad person and decided your self esteem and self worth are enough that you are worthy of a true relationship (you are). Again, this is not the action of someone who has your best interest at heart. If it were my spouse, and I were gay, I would let them go. You can split without telling everyone she is gay, that is up to you. But you are not responsible for all of societies problems, you can support gay rights even as much as you want, but not at the expense of your own ability to have intimate relationships. She took advantage of you and is taking advantage of you. I had suffered something similar in the past and in my case the reasoning was- look what they are doing to me, whatever I have to do to survive is fair. its not. you are free to leave and should leave if her offer of intimacy and sex is through a mistress. I would rather find a lover that I can openly have relationship with. Even worse, she could keep evidence of your mistress and use that against you in future proceedings. she has already demonstrated the capacity to lie straight to your face, do not undersestimate her.