Depression, Moving Forward
Overcoming Loneliness as a Single
Dec
Being single doesn’t equal being lonely
Most of the people who ask that question usually have a wrong assumption in mind. Those people usually believe that being single means that the person is lonely and as a result they wonder how single people deal with loneliness.
The first thing you need to know is that some single people don’t even know what loneliness is as they hardly experience it. First of all let me quickly define loneliness. Loneliness is the state of absence of intimacy where a person finds nobody to connect to on a deeper level. People who don’t have someone to share their emotions, thoughts, concerns and beliefs with usually end up feeling very lonely.
Why some single people never feel lonely
The single people who have a busy social life and who are surrounded by intimate friends can hardly ever feel lonely. The good thing about intimacy is that the mind doesn’t really care where it comes from as long as it’s coming from a good source.
Thus People who have a good source of intimacy hardly feel lonely. This source of intimacy can come from friends or family members. As long as the guidelines that lead to intimate relationships are maintained those people hardly feel lonely.
The mistake many people do
People who wonder how single people deal with loneliness are the ones who usually do a big mistake when it comes to intimacy. Those people usually depend on their relationship partners for intimacy while weakening the connection between them and all of their other friends.
When those people breakup they find themselves surrounded by friends they can’t really get intimate with. After all for intimacy to happen a person needs to share everything with his friends.
Because those people have been isolating themselves from their friends for some time they don’t get the same level of intimacy they used to get from their relationship partners.
How can this problem be solved?
Solving that problem isn’t hard but you must understand that the solution should be implemented all year round. Even if you got into a relationship with a person you like so much don’t ever cut the connection or even reduce the contact with your old friends.
In my book How to get over anyone in few days i said that when you do so you will have more than one source of intimacy and so if for any reason you lost one source you will still have many other sources around.
Lack of intimacy also leads to love addiction. If you became dependent on relationships for intimacy then you won’t be able to stay single for long periods of time and as a result you are very likely to make a wrong decision just because you can’t handle the emotions of loneliness.
So in short if you are wondering how single people deal with loneliness then most probably you have a wrong idea about intimacy, loneliness and relationships. Build intimacy in a different way and you will hardly feel lonely even if you stayed single for years.
So how do singles deal with loneliness?
- They meet new people
- They keep their social life busy
- They meet their friends regularly
- They share everything with their friends
- They focus on creating intimacy not just friends
- They hang out often
- They don’t isolate themselves
- They connect with family more often
Loneliness and interest in people
If you have already did all the tips above, and still you feel lonely then your problem may be a little different. There is a possibility that the people you know are not of a great interest to you. If you are not interested in the people you know even if you know lots of people then you might feel lonely as well. This is a very common problem that causes loneliness to many people.
How to overcome loneliness in this case?
The solution to this problem is simple. you just need to become aware of the type of people that you enjoy being with. Find out the people that you enjoy spending your time with and based on these findings you can come up with the criteria you are looking for.
Try to expand your social relations in the right direction that allows you to know more of those people you are interested in. A person can hardly feel lonely when being with someone who shares his same interests. The same goes For groups, friends become friends because of many reasons and one of them is having common interests.
Try to expand your social relations in a direction that will allow you to meet people who have your same interests and as a result your loneliness will be reduced.
Another thing you can do to combat loneliness is developing the power of solitude. The power of solitude is the ability to feel good and happy when being alone. I don’t encourage being alone at all but i encourage building the power of solitude in addition to your efforts in dealing with loneliness.
The power of Solitude
The power of solitude is the expression that is used to describe the trait that allows a person to feel good and adequate when being alone. I am not saying that you should always be staying alone but at least when you are alone you shouldn’t feel that bad.
What makes a person unable to stay alone is his external dependency which is the desire to escape from his bad mood by doing anything that could keep him busy (like meeting people in our case).
Note that developing the power of solitude doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have friends for some people get this wrong. Any normal person won’t survive without having intimate friends but if you do have friends and still can’t spend any time alone then probably you are in need of the power of solitude.
Why do i feel bad when am Alone?
What kind of emotions do you experience while being alone?
Do you feel bored?
Do you feel unhappy?
Do you feel bad?
If you currently don’t have any big problems in your life then most probably you will be able to feel good when you are alone. In such a case you will be able to enjoy doing any activity on your own. This doesn’t mean that bringing friends won’t make the activity more joyful.
On the other hand if you are not feeling OK ,because of some unsolved problems for example, then most probably you will feel like wanting to escape the pain. This feeling might be the primary motive behind your desire not to stay alone. So the power of solitude is not constant but it changes with the external circumstances.
There is no problem at all in escaping to social life when you have big problems provided that you are already working on solving the problem. People who escape from their problems and never try to solve them end up feeling depressed. In my book The ultimate guide to getting over depression i explained how ignoring your problems and allowing them to accumulate can be the primary source for depression. Some people do their best to solve their problems by taking actions while others never do anything and thus end up depressed.
Satisfy your needs
We need others because we have many unmet needs. The more unmet needs we have the more needy we will be when it comes to spending time with others.
If you constantly need reassurance or attention then you might find yourself unable to stay alone even for few hours. Understand your basic needs, work on satiating them with a solid plan and you will develop the power of solitude.
Note that this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have friends. Make friends, spend time with them while making sure that you are not so dependent on them. That’s how the power of solitude works.
I hope this article helped you! Give me your thoughts in the comments below.
All of the techniques in this book are backed by psychology and scientific research. The techniques in the book are derived from Love psychology, Friendship psychology, Neuro-linguistic programming, subconscious mind programming, Behavioral psychology, Hypnosis, Physiology and scientific research. The book “How to get over someone in few days” is a 100% guarantee that you will get over anyone else you will be refunded.
