The Emotional Affair

As we previously discussed, emotional affairs are real – and they hurt just as much as physical affairs. Your partner does not need to be physically intimate with someone to be cheating on you, and they do not need to engage in physical contact to be intimate with someone else.

In order to recover from an emotional affair, the first step is admitting an emotional affair is taking place. Once your spouse is able to own up to the bond they have created outside of your relationship, the discussion of boundaries and healing can begin. The questions are extremely simple: Are you sharing an emotionally intimate bond with someone of the opposite sex? Do you share your deepest thoughts and feelings with this person?

If the answer is yes –and let’s be honest, if you’re asking the question, the most likely answer will be yes—Your spouse needs to accept this is not healthy for your relationship and it’s time to work on how to rebuild intimacy within your marriage, rather than outside it.

Assess Emotional Connection

More often than not, the reason for pursuing an emotional affair is in search of something not being provided at home. However, even if the emotional connection between you and your partner has a significant dent, there is no excuse for either spouse to seek comfort outside the marriage, even if it is to discuss feelings. Eventually, the feelings will come out and the person in the emotional affair will continue making room for a physical affair to occur. Sometimes the move is subconscious and the person having the affair feels justified by their actions will be only serve to worsen the divide in the relationship.

If there has been a breakdown in communication, neglect, or lack of effort to make each other feel worthy and special, take some time to discuss the issues with each other. Then, make the effort to pay attention to those areas where intimacy is lacking.

Assess Communication

To have a stronger, intimate connection with your partner, you both need to be using verbal and non-verbal forms of communication. Verbal communication consists of talking more supportive to each other –about each other and about everyday life occurrences.  Non-verbal communication happens when you spend time together and your behavior associated with the words you use in verbal communication. Little things such as shoulder rubs, hand holding, and gentle caresses as you pass each other are important non-verbal communication factors.

Repeat

Be patient as you navigate the field of open communication. Commit to more than just a grunt or nod in affirmation of each other. Building an emotional connection, even if it’s been lacking for only a little while, takes time and effort from both ends. If you have been greeting each other in the morning with barely a nod and barely a “Hello,” tomorrow morning say something like, “Good morning! I trust you slept well.” Let your partner know you care about him or her in the most obvious ways and your bond will increase.

Keep Growing,

Mira

IRI Relationship Writer

Popular Affair Recovery Resources & Programs

How to Survive an Affair – Over 20,000 customers have used Dr. Frank Gunzburg’s 3-step program to rebuild their relationship after an affair. Discover how this 3-phase program can show you both how to heal the wounds, pick up the pieces and “affair-proof the relationship for good.” Click here to read more.

Saving Your Marriage – Inside this powerful alternative to counseling, Dr. Gunzburg provides a 10-step program that show you and your spouse, what’s wrong and how to fix it. This self-help program is designed to help couples talk again, have fun again and “spark the intimacy.” Click here to read more.

Affair Recovery Coaching or Counseling with a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist – the infidelity recovery Institute has put together a directory of  affair recovery specialists from around the world. Click here to read more..