After the Affair

When you have been struck by news of your spouse cheating on you, your first reaction may be to take on some of the blame for the affair. However, this is not healthy. Not only is the affair not your fault (it only takes one person to have an affair – the person choosing to have the affair), but you need to take time for yourself, to figure out what you want and to heal from the damage that has been done, before you can invest time in possibly fixing your relationship.

There are three key responsibilities to be aware of after learning of infidelity within your relationship.

After The Affair Tip #1: Assume Responsibility over Your Life

Your life is yours and yours alone. No one else will get to live your life but you. You choose what your life is going to be, according to your hopes, dreams, and desires. You have the power. No one can take this away from you. No one. Not even an unfaithful partner. You may wish the affair never happened, or you may wish you never married your cheating spouse. Yet, this is your life.

After The Affair Tip #2: Accept Reality

Once you have assumed responsibility over your own life does not mean all the hurt is gone and everything is magically better because you wish it. The next responsibility you have to yourself is to accept reality for what it is. Accept the current circumstances for what they are, accept your emotions, and accept the terrible thoughts and feelings that will come. While you may have control over yourself, you do not have control over others, and you do not need to control how everything makes you feel – you do however, have control over how you react to these feelings. Work through the emotions. Go through the process, even though it is painful. Face it head on.

After The Affair Tip #3: Satisfy Yourself

When is the last time you did something for fun? This may seem counterproductive, since we are discussing responsibility here, but having a bit of fun is a form of self-expression. You deserve to have fun, despite the current reality you are facing. The key here is not to be wrapped up in the fantasy of fun that you forget about the reality.

However, it is not selfish to fulfill yourself emotionally. Perhaps, before the affair, you forgot you were a person and you stopped doing things that made you feel alive. The time to get that back is now. Find yourself again. Discover what will bring you personal fulfillment, what makes you smile, what makes you laugh. At first, this may be difficult and you may feel like hiding under a rock. With time and effort, though, you will begin to find yourself again.

After the affair, you need to give yourself permission to feel how you are feeling, act how you want to act, and live the life you deserve to live. Do not let anyone take away the inner light that existed before you were married, before the affair happened. You are in control of your own destiny. Make it happen.

Keep Growing,

Mira

IRI Relationship Writer