Reviving A Sexless Relationship

Most marriages today are in distress not because of financial reasons but because of issues in their sex life. In long term marriages, sex does not have to get to that point where it can be said to be boring. As the years go by and the couple get older, maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex life becomes a challenge. Reviving a sexless relationship, Most married couples today are in a sexless marriage. Sex less marriage doesn’t mean that they don’t have sex at all. In some cases, they do but one spouse feels unsatisfied. They could be longing for more touch, intimacy, and more sex or adding something new to their sex routine.

Amazon Link to Books On Improving Your Sex Life

When we are having problems in our relationship, or are feeling a lot of stress from problems in our personal or work lives, our sex life usually takes a hit. And hey, it’s natural for sex to be the last thing you feel like doing after you’ve just had another bitter argument with your spouse, or are feeling a lack of their support. Unfortunately, lack of sex can not only be a result of other relationship problems, it can also become a problem in itself.

Sex fulfills some deep emotional needs, and going without it for some time can leave your love bank empty and desperate for attention. Sex works to increase closeness between a couple not only on a physical level, but also at a mental level.

When you make love, chemicals called oxytocin and serotonin are released in your brain, which increase loving feelings, give you that wondrous release from stress and make you feel on top of the world. When you are maintaining a fulfilling sex life, relationship problems seem less threatening and it is easier to work through these as a team. This is because through making love you make significant deposits into each other’s emotional bank accounts, giving you the energy and strength you need to be able to face any stressful relationship or life problems. Unfortunately, it is easy to fall into a negative loop where the more you and your spouse fight and withdraw from one another, the less you have sex, the more unwanted and neglected you feel, and the more likely you are to keep hurting each other.

Sex is an important way of expressing your love, and when it’s not happening, chances are you and your spouse are going to be feeling quite distant from each other. This is why it’s so important to identify the reasons behind any lack of sexual desire, especially if it is due to one of your emotional needs not being fulfilled.

You need to let your spouse know what you need from them in order to desire sex again. Chances are, they are going to be very motivated to work on whatever needs fixing in order to make you feel loved. But if you deny them sex without letting them know what is really going on, they are going to feel intense pain and rejection, and may put up a defensive wall.

Expressing Your Sexual Needs

Sex is a sensitive matter, and being rejected without knowing the reason behind it can make someone feel really insecure, undesirable and unwanted. If your spouse has hurt or offended you in some way, you need to communicate this to them. This way, they will understand that your lack of interest in sex right now is not because you’re not attracted to them, but because you’re feeling a lack of love and appreciation.

Most people find it difficult to express their sexual desires to their partner either because they are scared that they might not be taken seriously or their suggestions could be condemned.  I know a married woman who was complaining that her husband wasn’t satisfying her on bed. She opted for sex toys and the day she bought them, her husband was so angry and disappointed. He started avoiding her and the next thing she found out was that he started cheating with a lady in their neighborhood.

Sex with your partner can be more satisfying if you knew each other’s likes, dislikes, preferences and habits. Whenever you feel that your sexual relationship is dwindling, discuss it with your spouse. Some couples find it difficult discussing their problems. If you are in such situation then the following tips could be helpful to you.

How to Talk About Sex Problems

Start Slow:

Start the conversation in a subtle manner and when you have gotten your partner’s attention, state your goal.  Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner instead focus on the things that you both can do to make the sex life more lively and satisfying.

Share your expectations and fantasies:

If you have certain sexual expectations or fantasies, share them with your partner. It could be a particular spot that you love to be touched or a particular sex style. Also, if there is something that your partner does that you don’t like, let them know. As a couple, you can research on different ways to spark up the bedroom moment.

Accept what can’t be changed:

If your spouse has a lower sex drive than you, you need to respect this and accept that you may not have sex quite as often as you would like. Often, it is the case that wives report having a lower sex drive than their husbands (although it can be the other way around, of course). If you are the spouse with the lower sex drive, you do need to also respect your spouse’s sexual needs. If possible, you should try to make sex a higher priority in your day-to-day life, and let your spouse know if there is anything they can do to fuel your desire.

It is also important that you are able to openly discuss the topic of masturbation in your marriage, especially if there are differences in your sex drive. For instance, letting each other know that you are supportive of masturbation if only one of you happens to be in the mood for sex. This can help to make each person feel that their sexual needs are being supported and understood, relieve pressure on the person who has a lower sex drive, and reduce any feelings of guilt around masturbation for the person with the higher sex drive.

It is also important to make sure that when you ARE both in the mood for sex you really make the most of it, so it is exciting and fulfilling for both of you. The quality of the love-making can mean a lot more than the quantity. In fact, having sex without showing any enjoyment of it can knock your spouse’s self-esteem just as much as saying no to sex.

And if there are practical issues holding you back from feeling in the mood for sex, such as too many chores to get done, childcare, or general fatigue, let your spouse know what you are struggling with, so that they can find ways to help.

When you don’t feel attractive, you don’t feel sexy.

Physical attraction is a key element that fuel sexual desire, and it is important to try your best to maintain your health, hygiene and appearance. Looking your best will not only make you feel good, it can have great effects on your relationship and your sex life. Your spouse will really appreciate the effort you put into looking after yourself and wanting to be sexually desirable to them.

Think about the signals you are sending your spouse through the way you present yourself. If you have bad breath, haven’t bothered to brush your hair, and are wearing an old faded t-shirt with stains down the front, do you think this is saying to your spouse “I want to have sex?” I don’t think so.

If your husband or wife is struggling with an aspect of their appearance such as excess weight, it is important that you still give them regular compliments on their physical attributes you do find attractive and sexy. Because most times, the way we feel about ourselves comes from how we are viewed in our spouse’s eyes. And when we feel that our spouse finds us attractive, we feel sexy.

To spice things up and really show your spouse that you care, why not try buying some new lingerie or underwear to wear in the bedroom, or a new fragrance? Or better yet, buying some scented massage oil to pay them some special attention? If things have got a bit tedious in the bedroom, giving your spouse a sexy surprise such as new alluring lingerie will be an instant turn-on, and could be the key to giving your sex life the boost it needs.

Finally, before you leave this page I want you to take a moment to evaluate your sex life. As a couple, do you still feel that initial spark you felt when you first met each other? If you said no then what have you done to revive the sex in your relationship?

If you have done all you could and got no positive result then I would recommend that you consult Amy Waterman. She has helped many couples in resolving different marriage issues. Kindly check out any of her courses, and I’m certain that you will return to this page to share a testimony.

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SaveMyMarriageToday.com

Amazon Link to Books On Improving Your Sex Life