The Role of Counseling and Therapy in your Marriage

Marriage and relationships often bring two persons with different background and personality to live and interact together. Due to individual differences, misunderstandings and problems become inevitable amongst couple. A happy couple is not the one without problems but one who knows how to adapt and face the problems each time they come.

Some issues faced by couples are; misunderstanding, lack of love and affection, low finances, infidelities, unsatisfactorily sex, etc. In every problem faced by the couple, the both are part of the problem and also part of the solution. When a couple finds it difficult to quietly sort out their differences, then the need to invite an external body such as a relationship counselor, becomes necessary.

Some years ago, relationship counseling and therapy was considered inappropriate because people preferred sharing their issues only amongst their family members. Inviting a professional who isn’t related to the couple by blood was seen to be wrong. However, in recent times, marriage counseling and therapy has been increasingly used as it has been seen to solve most relationship issues.

When should couples go for counseling and therapy?

As a couple or a family, there is no precise moment in which it is necessary to visit a marriage counselor, unless you wish to or there is lack of communication, issues of violence, difficulties when interacting , or lack of sexual intimacy. In these cases, it is necessary to quickly visit a professional as the sooner the better.

There are those who come when they begin to see signs that something is not going as expected, but in most cases, couples visit the therapist between an average of five to six years; when the relationship is already worn out. This situation makes reconciliation difficult hence it’s important to act immediately the first signs of conflicts are noticed in the relationship.

Let’s see what some professionals have to say on this.

“It is difficult to tell when a couple should go for therapy, so the important thing is; it should be when both feel so,” assures Elmundo Nomen, responsible for the Clinical Area of Institute, Gomá. “They must be willing and have the desire to solve their differences.”

For José Bustamante, general secretary of the Spanish Association of Specialists in Sexology and author of the book “What do men think?” the best time to go for therapy is; “when we begin to feel that we do not understand each other”.

According to experts, the success rate of a couple’s therapy is around 70%, however, it is much higher if the couple comes earlier, at most, two years after the first problems appear .

Eduardo Torres, director of the Family Unit of the Centro Psychological Center in Madrid, advised going for therapy when there is a conflict that seems irresolvable and causes pain to one or the two members of the couple.

It only takes one person to end a marriage but to make it work, two persons must be involved.” says Andrew Christensen, Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. When there is a timely detection of the problems and with the help of a specialist, saving the relationship becomes possible. A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy states that couples therapies restore happiness and reunion to seven out of ten.

The keys of the process:

A couple’s therapy is not only valid to recover the relationship, but also to make the emotions caused by heartbreak to be less painful. So the goal of everything is to help the couple communicate and resolve their issues so they can feel better about themselves. Also, they can either decide to recover the relationship if both are willing or end it for good.

According to Jose Bustamante, the Association of Marriage and Family Therapists in the USA indicate that “three out of every four couples who come to therapy admit an improvement in their relationship and in their personal life.”
This means that 90% of couples who go for therapy with experts improve their mood, while two thirds of these also experience improvements in their health and work performance.

The role of therapy:

The first thing that is done in these therapies is finding the real problem. Most couples come to the consultation because they argue a lot, but behind the argument, there are unresolved conflicts. Therefore, the first thing to put on the table is the real problem that resulted to fighting and misunderstanding.

The main thing in therapy is to teach the couples on how to:
·Listen to one another
·Put oneself in the shoes of your partner whenever he/she complains as this helps you to understand his perspective
·Communicate what you feel without hurting the other person
·Take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming others
·Escape emotional dependence
·Care for the relationship
·Lay good foundations for the relationship
·Forgive and tolerate your partner
·Make necessary adjustments to please your partner
·Recover from the negative emotions caused by heart break and separation
·Be happy at all times.

Are you having issues in your marriage? Does it seem like those issues are irreparable? Are you finding it difficult to forgive your partner’s infidelity? Well, we are here to help you. Just book a session with us and you’ll get the best coaching. Do not give up on your relationships because after the storm, there could be a “Happily Ever After”.