1. All Articles, Cheating, Infidelity Stories
Should I Confront my Husband’s Mistress?
Mar
Sometime in 2009, I received a call from a very funny caller. I call her a funny caller because she couldn’t even introduce herself before pouring out her rage.
“Hello, Julie,” she said…
The name “Julie” didn’t ring a bell. It wasn’t my name nor the name of any of my siblings. So, I said to her;
“Sorry Ma’am, I think you have either got the wrong name or the wrong number”
“Would you shut up your lying mouth?” She screamed.
“You are Julie and I’m sure you must be aware of why I’m calling you. Please stay away from my husband.”
“Excuse me, Ma’am, I am not Julie and I don’t know your husband,” I replied calmly.
“What? After messing around with my husband, you seem to have forgotten him, right? I’m only calling to warn you for the first and the last time to stay away from my husband otherwise…………”
At that point, I was angry because she wasn’t even willing to listen to me. So, I screamed back at her.
“Hey! Keep your threats for someone else. I think you are the stupid one who couldn’t get the correct phone number of your husband’s mistress. How dare you call to insult me? Why don’t you go deal with your foolish and irresponsible husband instead of calling a total stranger just to say trash…”
I guess at that point she got her senses and dropped the call. After a while, the phone rang again and from the other end, I heard her voice…
“I’m sorry for being rude to you. I have just found out that I called the wrong number. Please forgive me.”
“Well, there is no problem. I was only trying to explain that I’m not Julie but you didn’t listen. It’s good that you have sorted it out yourself” I replied.
For the next few minutes we discussed as friends and when she was done talking, she said goodbye and hung up.
****
Looking at the above scenario, do you think it is proper to confront your spouse’s lover? You might have more than a thousand things to say to her and many questions you feel she must answer. You might want to know how she was able to capture your husband’s heart. So, does that mean you should get her phone number or go banging at her door?
Things to consider before speaking to the Other Man/ Woman
Sometimes, talking to your partner’s lover would make you feel better especially if the individual is remorseful. That conversation might just be all that you need in order to regain your self-confidence. Every coin has two sides, so you must consider the following before confronting your spouse’s lover.
You might get insulted:
It is very normal to assume that the other man/woman should be shameful and apologize for making out with your spouse but what if he/she acts rude and unremorseful? Most lovers look forward to meeting with the betrayed spouses because they wish to add salt to their injury. Even when you come in peace such individuals prefer trouble.
You might find out what would shock you:
Before you agree to meet with the other man/woman you must analyze the possibilities of what you might be told and how it might hurt you.
“My husband’s mistress told me all the dirty things my husband said about me. Things I never imagined he could say and the worst of it all is that majority of what he said were lies. He probably said all that so he could easily get into her pants.”
—-Zara
“My wife cheated on me and got pregnant with her lover’s child and when I spoke to him, he mocked me and questioned my manhood. I was so embarrassed.”
— Jamie
It is a question of trust:
If your relationship was built on trust and respect then you should listen to your partner’s opinion and not meet his mistress. If your partner tells you that his affair is over and it was more of a sex thing with no emotional bonding, then you should believe him and don’t go about trying to get more details.
It might make things worse:
In situations where you were unable to control your rage and probably got into a fight with your partner’s lover, you could end up messing up everything. When you fight with your husband’s mistress, he gets really angry and might stop talking to you. Then he goes over to console his mistress and his affair continues.
Your issue isn’t with her, it’s with your partner:
Do you feel disappointed and heartbroken? If yes, vent your feelings on your spouse, not his mistress. He was the one who allowed someone else into his life despite vowing to be faithful to you till death. He was the one who broke the commitment. Although he might have different excuses why he shouldn’t be blamed, the truth remains that he made the choice to cheat and was never forced to.
Are you struggling to save your marriage?
If you have tried your best and nothing worked then I would suggest that you seek the help of a marriage counselor. Amy Waterman is a certified marriage counselor that has helped several couples save their marriage. You can visit her website to see different courses designed especially for you
After being in relationship with Him for Five years, he broke up with me, I
did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him
back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with
everything, I made promises but he refused.
Interesting scenario.
It reminds me of a friend’s experience. Until he was caught, everyone especially the wife, thought they had a perfect marriage. For three years, he had been cheating on the wife but performed his home duties perfectly – without the slightest suspicion.
The wife finally chanced on his WhatsApp chat with the other lady and instantly reach for her phone.
My friend was completed disappointed in himself and felt extremely ashamed. It’s over six months now and he’s cut all contacts with the cheating partner.
So yes, sometimes the call can turn things around especially for the so-called nice husbands out there.
Women are not responsible for keeping a man faithful. Give me a break. It’s not the wife’s “job” nor is it another woman. Obviously the a-hole is capable of lying so who knows what he told the other woman. It’s just easier to hate someone you don’t know than someone you love.
I was contemplating teaming up with my husband’s mistress to confront him on his lies to both of us. Then thought better of it and filed for divorce. 42 years with this man and he has a midlife crisis and turns into a stranger. They are equally to blame.
I was contemplating teaming up with my husband’s mistress to confront him on his lies to both of us. Then thought better of it and filed for divorce.
Why does everyone blame the husband for the affair and not the other woman. She is equally to blame especially if she knew he was married…..come on she is a Slut.
Absolutely I agree. The mistress is a slut. She knows what she’s doing and with whom. I confronted my husband’s mistress. I put him out wanted a divorce. He begged me to come home. And now things couldn’t be better. She also was taking care of all the dinners etc as he brought his check home to me for the household. So I know she didn’t get a damn thing but his dick.
Depends on the mindset of the other woman, whether she knew he was married and what she thought her ownership was in the whole tacky situation. Women need to honour other women and not mess with their husbands. The betrayal be the husband is a whole other story.