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The Six Components to a good Apology
Apr
Although there are six components to a good apology, two are most effective. Can you guess which two?
These are:
- Expression of regret
- Explanation of what went wrong
- Acknowledgment of responsibility
- Declaration of repentance
- Offer of repair
- Request for forgiveness
Top of the list is acknowledging responsibility, explained Professor Roy Lewicki, the study’s first author:
“Our findings showed that the most important component is an acknowledgement of responsibility.
Say it is your fault, that you made a mistake.”
After acknowledging responsibility, the second most effective strategy is to make an offer of repair.
Professor Lewicki said:
“One concern about apologies is that talk is cheap.
But by saying, ‘I’ll fix what is wrong,’ you’re committing to take action to undo the damage.”
Next most important are expressing regret, explaining what went wrong and saying you will repent.
Bottom of the list was asking for forgiveness, said Professor Lewicki:
“That’s the one you can leave out if you have to.”
The conclusions come from a study in which people read a variety of scenarios in which a person made a mistake for which they had to apologize.
The apology contained either one, three or all six of the components.
People rated the different grades of apology for their effectiveness.
This study only tested the effectiveness of written components.
Other factors will also be important, said Professor Lewicki:
“Clearly, things like eye contact and appropriate expression of sincerity are important when you give a face-to-face apology.”
Insincere apologies
People are less able to detect insincerity when apologies are directed at them. According to a series of studies conducted by Risen and Gilovich (2007), observers are harsher on an insincere apology than the person at whom it is directed. Perhaps this helps explain why people almost always accept an apology aimed directly at them, whether it’s offered sincerely or not. We want to believe it’s sincere, however much we might feel afterwards that it hasn’t really worked.
It’s similar to when someone is flattering us. Those watching can tell it’s flattery, but we tend to think it’s genuine because it makes us feel good about ourselves.
In contrast, Risen and Gilovich found that observers tend to spot an insincere apology more easily and are likely to reject it. This mirrors the situation when we are watching a public figure apologizing. The slightest whiff of insincerity and we quickly discount the whole thing.
Not only do insincere apologies fail to make amends, they can also cause damage by making us feel angry and distrustful towards those who are trying to trick us into forgiving them.
Even sincere apologies are just the start of the repair process. Although we expect the words “I’m sorry” to do the trick, they don’t do nearly as much as we expect.
SOURCE:
Negotiation and Conflict Management Research (Lewicki et al., 2016).
