What are the tell tale signs of a cheating spouse?

In this post, I will share with you some key tell tale signs that your partner is up to no good. The key is to observe their new behaviours, take down some notes on the time, day, and what you notice. When you have enough evidence to confront your partner about their behviour, they will not be able to turn the tables and say you are just “making it up”.

#1 – Your Sex Life Changes

Most people would think that when their partner is having sex with their new lover it would result in a stand-still in their own love life. While this is often true, it is not necessarily always the case. It can also mean an increase in your sex life too. When a person starts getting aroused by another person their sex drive is being highly stimulated and is highly active.

When they start putting pressure on you to try different sex moves and positions, you should ask yourself where this change in sexual behavior is coming from. This will slow down later when they get further into their new relationship because they will feel more guilt towards you and their lover. If they ask you to try a new sex position then it may be a result of a number of things. They got taught a new move by their lover and want to perfect it to impress them, or want to try it again because they enjoyed it so much. It can also mean that they are practicing a position they read about because they want to keep their new lover interested and impressed.

No passion during sex anymore, and no foreplay or kissing is a sign of guilt and distraction. The cheater lacks any emotional contact because of the guilt for their partner because they are cheating and guilt towards their lover because they aren’t being faithful to them either. Quite often if they are having new and passionate sex with their lover, they will have little inclination or desire to have passion in their lovemaking with you. It may simply be a case of routine. They may simply look upon sex as a chore and wish it to be over and done with quickly.

#2 – You get an STD

If you get an STD ask your doctor if it is possible to have contracted it a long time ago and only get the symptoms now. Otherwise this is a sign that you contracted it from your partner who would have contracted it from their lover. Ask your doctor about it and get as much detail as you can. It may be a recent infection, or it may be something you have had in your system for a long time. Similarly, your partner may have had the disease most of their life.

#3 – Greater attention to appearance

A dramatic change in your spouses dress and appearance should ring a major warning bell, especially if they never really liked the style before. An influence must have come from somewhere. Find out if you can where this inspiration has come from and who it is directed at. It could be completely innocent, such as seeing a colleague at work loose weight and find a new style.

If they start to undergo any radical image change you should closely examine their reasons why.

#4 – Changes in Communication

A simple question like, ‘How was your day?’ or ‘What did you do today?’ doesn’t need to be met with a defensive response. It is a very generalized question that should warrant a very general answer. If your partner gets all defensive at such general questions, you should examine their reasons why. They may have something to hide.

When it gets to the point where you or your children don’t exist in your men life something is definitely wrong. If they stop showing an interest in your day or don’t hear you because they are obviously off in their own world thinking about other things, you have reason for suspicion. This is especially true if they forgot dates of events you specifically asked them to remember, such as birthdays or anniversaries.

#5 – Lies

Lies are an easy one to pick up on. Lies are used to cover the truth, so that is why we know something is wrong when lies are told. When someone is lying they start to look nervous and start using their hands a lot, picking things up, pulling at things, intertwining them with their own hands. They can’t sit still, step from side to side or move around. Not holding eye contact with you is also a clear indicator. This is a good one because eye contact is a form of trust and truth.

Once the lies start it doesn’t stop and it gets bigger and bigger. When people lie they stretch it out and add in every little detail because they have thought it over so much. Sometimes when they are half way through they go back and change a detail. The best way to catch them out is to remember a minor detail and ask them about it a couple of days later when they think they are off the hook and can’t remember what they said.

When they go out do they tell you where they are going, or who they are going with? When you ask them politely to show an interest where they are going do they automatically get defensive and act like you are accusing them of something when it was a completely innocent question? Using a defense mechanism shows that they are trying to cover something and being secretive. If they have nothing to hide why act this way. The natural thing to do would be to tell a partner when you are going out and with whom, because you care about them you don’t want them to worry.

When a partner is spending a lot of time around someone they like, they are going to get to know them quite well. Just like any new relationship they will find them quite interesting and pay them a lot of attention. Notice when your partner shows a particular interest in someone new and is continuously talking about them and praising them for things they have done. Does your partner usually pay such close attention to someone’s personality?

Does your partner get aggravated more easily by the smallest things? Acting like their life and family is such a burden to them isn’t right if they are happy. They may be feeling like they resent their family because they are standing in the way of their affair. Does your partner seem to get bored easily and make comments about how they wish their life was more exciting? Most people in affairs find it exciting and a bit of a fantasy because more than one person wants them, also because it has to be kept a secret like a forbidden love. So when they are spending time with their partner and family they are more likely to be bored and restless compared to the time spent with their lover.

The key here is to read the signals you are getting from your partner and try and put yourself in their situation. If you needed to lie, how would you do it? How would you cover up a night out with your lover? If your partner seems to be getting home very late at night and seems to spend a lot of the time on weekends out as well, you may want to check that it is indeed the office where they are.

Try ringing the office when your husband/wife is supposed to be there and keep the lines of communication open. It may be that all of your partner’s strange habits amount to nothing.

But it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Remember, if you do not find the evidence, make sure you look inward at your own fears and insecurities. Why is it that you distrust your partner? What do you need to do or say to feel secure in your relationship? Perhaps seeking the help of a counsellor to review communication skills is worth your time right now.

Best of luck.