Who should be blamed after an infidelity?

One question that comes to mind after listening to an infidelity story is; who is to be blamed for infidelity? Should it be the unfaithful partner, the lover or the betrayed partner?

I have noticed that most people don’t like to take the blames for infidelity. The unfaithful husband either blames the mistress for seducing him or blames his wife for being unable to meet all of his needs. 

Who does the betrayed wife blame?

Most times she blames the mistress for seducing her husband while other times she blames her husband for going out with a stranger.

Would the mistress accept all the blames?

No! She might blame the wife for being careless and unable to satisfy her husband’s needs.  She could blame her for gaining much weight and looking older than her age since that’s one of the reasons why men chase after younger girls. She could also blame her for paying too much attention to her work/children which made her not to have enough time for her husband.

Well, she doesn’t stop at blaming the wife as she also blames the unfaithful husband. Yes! She blames him for being the scum bag who couldn’t stay faithful to his wife. She blames him for being so cute and irresistible. She blames him for having all the material things that she is in need of. She blames him for lying about his marital status.

Why do we blame someone?

Everyone seeks for a way to discharge the negative feelings that result from an infidelity. By passing the blame, these individuals relieve themselves from guilt, regret, shame, hatred, etc.  Well, before passing the blame ensure that you have properly understood the story behind the infidelity.

Some persons cheat because they crave for a sense of connection that is already lost in their marriage. Others do it out of a quest for novelty, or as a way to avoid intimacy. 

After laying blames what’s next?

Forgiveness is the next step to take in order to move on from the pains caused by the affair. First, you must forgive yourself, your spouse and the other man/woman. You can place yourself in their shoes in order to understand why they acted the way they did. Even if you are unable to find any justifiable reason for the betrayal, still create a space in your heart for forgiveness.

Some relationships become stronger after an affair. This happens when the couple realizes what they could have lost, then make efforts to rebuild the love and intimacy in the relationship. Remember that every broken trust can be rebuilt. The wounds caused by an affair might take a long time to heal, so don’t be in a hurry to get over it. All you need is time. Yes! Time heals all wounds. 

In conclusion, I would like to say that after an affair, instead of searching for who to blame, search for ways to protect your marriage from a second or third affair. For those whose partners are chronic cheats, don’t let their infidelity hurt you. Try to be happy always and if you are required to decide on the fate of the marriage, choose what will make you happy.