Why do people cheat?

“it is not my circus and not my monkeys”

Bill Gordon, Ph.D., is a researcher who wrote about his recent interest in asking people about their internet sex behaviours. Bill found the common theme that continually popped up was that Internet sex was a “quick,” “easy,” “safe,” “harmless” way to alleviate marital boredom and explore curiosities.

“Some people spoke very candidly, because they know I am judgment free zone. They said they hook up with men or women of different races that they would never marry, date, or even have a drink with in a bar. Therefore, as in the night, on the Internet, all cats are gray. They also cited the Internet as a prime opportunity to explore something that they have always been curious about, but would never actively pursue. Hence, Internet sex is safe.”

Some of the questions Bill asked his clients include:

Have you ever had a sexual chat with another person on the Internet?

• Men: Yes 193; No 7 / Women: Yes 87; No 113

Have you ever had an Internet sexual encounter involving a live cam?

• Men: Yes 134; No 66 / Women: Yes 41; No 159

Have you ever had an extra marital sexual encounter with a prostitute?

• Men: Yes 0; No 200 / Women: Yes 0; No 200

Have you ever had an extra marital affair with someone other than a sex worker?

• Men: Yes 0; No 200 / Women: Yes 0; No 200

Would you ever cheat on your spouse?

• Men: Yes 0; No 200 / Women: Yes 0; No 200

Have you ever had Internet Sex without a camera with a member of your same sex?

• Men: Yes 79; No 121 / Women: Yes 23; No 177

Have you ever had Internet sex with a same-sex person with a camera?

• Men: Yes 61; No 139 / Women: Yes 11; No 189

Have you ever had sex with a person of the same sex in real life?

• Men: Yes 0; No 200 / Women: Yes 0; No 200

Is your spouse aware of your Internet sexual activity?

• Men: Yes 0; No 200 / Women: Yes 0; No 200

All of the participants had been married for at least ten years. All were employed, and they all had children. They were upper-middle-class and at least one member of every couple was a professional (MD, PhD, Lawyer, Screenwriter, Director, Producer, or Engineer).

Bill said, “One of the men, a surgeon, volunteered, “I don’t do cam2cam. I’d rather just chat because then the other person can be whoever I want them to be. Hell, I am sure half of the women I cyber with that claim to be 19-year old girls are probably middle-aged men, but what do I care, it’s just fantasy. When we’re cybering they’re a 19 year-old hottie.”

 

What do you think about internet sex? Are you guilty of online sex? Do you know if your partner is active in online sex chat rooms? And is this ok?

---